Pregnancy Does WHAT?! No Way!

When we announced we were expecting, there were some things that people described to me that I simply didn’t believe would happen…until I went through them.  Here’s my list of things that sound too weird to be true.  Feel free to add additional ones by commenting on this post!

  • “There will come a point when you will pull a muscle if you turn over too quickly in bed.” Ha, yeah right!  That’s just silly. Enter week 30, I roll over and – OUCH!  Pulled a muscle in my groin.  Beware, ladies.
  • The previous statement should have been followed up with, “Then there will come a point when you’re so big that you’ll either need help to turn over in bed or it will take you a good 3 minutes and a bunch of pain.” Week 36-37 is when this joy started, and it just gets worse!
  • “No matter what maternity clothes you buy, you’ll practically need a mumu in the end because that will be the only thing that will cover you.” Pssshhh, yeah, okay! Um, this one is unfortunately SO true.  Again, week 36-37 arrived and I found that the bottom of my belly was peeking out under most of my maternity shirts (granted, I am carrying VERY low).  So THIS is why they invented full-panel maternity pants!
  • “You’ll feel like a beached whale at the end.” No way, everybody says that but I’m sure it’s not a big deal. Last night, ladies, I almost swore off clothes until I pop out this kid.  I’m just so uncomfortable in anything.  But then I realized that the world probably wasn’t ready for a large, naked pregnant lady.  You’re welcome.
  • “Shaving your legs will be nearly impossible.” I’m sure if you bend a certain way, it would be fine… Now that I’m in Week 38, this statement is true – especially if the baby’s feet are taking up residence in my rib cage.  There’s no bending around THAT.  Yet, I find myself shaving my legs with more frequency than at any other point in my pregnancy.  (Hey, don’t judge – I was pregnant in the winter!) I don’t want to risk being a hairy beast when I go into labor.
  • “Two words: lightning crotch.” That just sounds weird. It first started happening to me in the third trimester – hopefully you’ll never experience it.  Imagine shooting pains deep inside parts of your body you never wanted to experience pain in.  Yup, that’s lightning crotch.
  • “You’ll probably pee your pants.” Um, I have WAY more self-control than that. Yeah, I do have control of my bladder…but I had also never had a 6-8 pound baby lying directly on top of it.
  • This isn’t really something that anyone warned me about, but it is something I’d like to comment on: the books all tell you exactly how much weight you should gain; but in reality, if you’re eating healthy and not totally being out of control, your body is going to gain what it will gain and there’s nothing you can do.  Going into my third trimester, I had only gained 8 pounds.  I was pretty proud of myself.  Then the third trimester arrived and my belly burgeoned – I’ve gained almost 20 pounds this trimester.  I know that some of it is water weight, because I have sausage fingers and cankles.  Regardless, I’m trying not to get too down about it because I know that I’ve tried to eat well and I have not given in to every craving.  So don’t worry yourself too much over weight gain.  Here’s a helpful chart of how much weight typically goes where.

So, that’s it, ladies!  Don’t laugh too hard at things people tell you, because months later – much to your chagrin – you may find that they’re true.  ;)

Comments

  1. Not even joking, lightning crotch….I thought it was just me and didn’t even want to mention it to my doc bc I thought I was crazy. Thanks for that :-) It’s not just me. Only slightly now, but I have a feeling it might get more intense. Do you know why it happens?

  2. I think I heard or read somewhere that it’s the baby pushing on a nerve. I’m getting it a ton more now and I think it has to do with dilation and effacement, too, at this point. Glad to be able to let you know that you’re not alone! haha ;)

  3. Just thought I’d share that I woke up at 3:30 am with contractions 4 min apart, that then proceeded to somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 minutes apart and while not perfectly consistent in intensity, stayed that way till almost 6 pm where upon they stopped :0) I’m now going to bed and hoping to still pop out this kid tomorrow, but we’ll see, could still be a couple days I guess… he did drop and roll over today, so hopefully all that was him getting himself in position! I’m guessing you’re still hanging out too… ;-) good luck!

    • Hope you popped out that kid!! ;)

      A doula read my blog and tweeted @ me that she’s had women labor for days and then their active labor goes quickly. Hoping that’s the case for both of us! Good luck!

  4. Terrific post. Thanks.

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