Hubster and I are noticing how big our little baby is getting.  How do they grow so much, so quickly in their first year?!  He used to be only eight pounds, 22.75 inches long, and completely dependent on us.  He was so easy to hold and cuddle, and so very tiny.

Now he’s our little monkey, climbing all over us and lunging in every direction.  He yells, screams, calls our names and does hilarious things that even he laughs about.  I just started putting my little boy in 12-month size sleepers and size 3 diapers.  Did you know that they start putting rubber on the feet of 12-month sleepers for when kids start to walk?  *sniffle*

I’ve always wanted to have kids close in age and now that we see our baby getting to be a much larger baby, I’m starting to get the itch.  I’m fighting an inner battle with my newfound baby fever, because logically I know that it’s not the right time.  This summer, we’ll be moving to a different state (which one is yet to be determined) and Hubster will be starting a different job.  I don’t want to be pregnant when we’re in the middle of a big move.  There’s a lot of stress that goes into it, not to mention the change in insurance – and the possible gap between when we have coverage.  Most importantly, I’m in the midst of my battle with postpartum depression.  I’m still working with my OBGYN to find the proper dosage of medication to help me.  After that, she said that I should stay on it for a year before trying to wean off of it.  I know that I shouldn’t get pregnant again before dealing with this first.  But, then there’s the other part of me.

My biological clock has been screaming at me lately.  I know that I’m young (24), but I have extenuating circumstances.  I have PCOS, which can make it very difficult to get pregnant.  Until we try again, it’s impossible to know if C was a medical marvel or if I don’t have a problem conceiving despite my PCOS.  It might take a long time for us to have another child.  I want more than one.  In fact, I want more than two children.  I feel like my ovaries are screaming at me to get going on all this babymaking!  I really want C to have a sibling close in age.

Thus, I continue to grapple with logic versus the heart’s desire and probably will do so for the next year.  Have you had difficulty deciding which time was right for you to add to your family?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *