Whoa, I was wildly productive yesterday. C’s stay with my parents continues, and I am a goal-making, to-do-list-crossing-off machine! BAM!
I’ve been working, running errands, working out, helping Hubster prepare for his placement conference (where he’ll have 12 interviews in 2 days), cleaning and organizing the apartment. I’m pretty much a rockstar.
I also spent some time at Hobby Lobby scouring the shelves for items to help me put together some sensory bottles for C. There will be a post on that to come…stay tuned…
Anyway, I can’t believe how much I’m able to accomplish when I’m not working around C’s schedule. On his schedule, it’s wake up, feed him, play with him, change him, play with him, feed him, clean him up, put him down for a nap, clean up after him, prepare his solid food, get him out of bed and repeat all day long. I miss that little man like crazy, but it is wonderful to sleep all night long and have my own schedule right now!
What are your favorite things to do when you have child-free days?
Thanks to my mom for this clear picture of C’s funny face!
C likes to make this new face, and it cracks me up! I just need to get a picture of it that isn’t blurry…
I got 11 – ELEVEN!! – hours of sleep last night! It was absolutely divine and for the first time since before I had C, I actually feel well-rested. I have energy and feel like myself again. In fact, Hubster would tell you that I’m playing it fast and loose with the weird life commentary, sound effects and laughter today. (Doesn’t he remember that’s just my personality?)
Making faces while drying my hair
Since C’s staying with my parents, Hubster and I are super excited about sleeping through the night. C still wakes up 1-2 times per night.
Hubster and I both had the chance to work out today before we went on a date. He’s been wanting to see Wanderlust, so we went to a matinee before going out to dinner. When we came out of the movie theatre, the guy next to me opened the car door for his lady. Meanwhile, Hubster got in our car and I was pounding on the window for him to unlock my door. *sigh* Ah, marriage…
Still crazy in love...
I never used to be a crier. Only something really moving (like “The Notebook”) would get the tears rolling. That was before I had C. Now I cry over a lot of stuff. C laughing so hard that he gives me happy tears, C’s sad little face while he’s crying, any episode of Parenthood…
Motherhood totally turned me into a softy.
I had to pack away some of C’s clothes yesterday and my heart was breaking as I remembered him wearing each item. His first coat (it was so big on him!), his bumble bee Halloween costume, all of those fuzzy little fleece sleepers. *sniffle* Why do babies grow so quickly? It’s not fair! I want to snuggle with my little baby for a while longer!
My little snugglebug
Cleaning – it’s a dirty job, but we all need to do it. Now that we have a moving, grooving child in our home, I find myself cleaning a lot. I enjoy the sparkly sheen of a clean home, but I don’t like how cleaning chemicals dry out my skin. While I clean the bathroom, I like to wear disposable gloves to protect my skin from harsh chemicals. I like that I can peel off the nastiness of bathroom grime and put the glove in the garbage when I’m done. I received a box of 100 disposable nitrile gloves from Magid Gloves & Safety Manufacturing Company LLC for review and got to work testing them!
Ready to clean!
These latex-free gloves are highly durable. In the past, I’ve made the mistake of purchasing inferior vinyl or latex gloves to save money, only to have them rip while putting them on my hands. These Magid EconoWear T9557 Blue Powdered 5 Mil. Disposable Nitrile Gloves will keep your hands covered from even the most strenuous scrubbing.
Another problem that I typically have with gloves is keeping my hands dry. My hands usually get a bit sweaty, but the Magid gloves kept my hands both clean and dry. The rolled cuffs make it easy to take the gloves off, and the textured fingers allow for an easy grip on your cleaning products.
Magid makes these gloves in sizes S-2XL. They sell for $8.25/box and there is a discount price of $7.20/box when purchasing 20 or more boxes. I think this is a great deal for a quality product.
Thank you to Magid for sending me a sample for review!
Disclosure: I was not financially compensated for this post. I received a sample for review purposes. The opinions expressed here are completely my own.
The last 24 hours have been pretty rough…
Last night, Hubster left for class at about 4:45pm. I started to feel significant anxiety as soon as the door closed behind him. The thought that I had to take care of C by myself until his 7:00 bedtime was overwhelming. I didn’t know how I was going to entertain him for 2 hours and 15 minutes. The anxiety confused me, considering I’m with C all day every day…why was 2 hours and 15 minutes so completely overwhelming?
By 5:30, I was in the throes of a full-blown panic attack. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and my head. I was nauseous and couldn’t stop crying. Self-loathing thoughts raced through my mind. I was so anxious and agitated that I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I knew that there was no way I could handle it alone.
I texted and called Hubster and he came home at 6:00. I hated myself for having to take him away from class, but knew I had no choice. Hubster helped me get into bed and took over caring for C. (I’m so lucky to have a wonderful support system and partner in him!) Laying in bed in the darkness allowed me to go from way over the edge to teetering on the edge. For the time being, that was good enough.
Later, I came down with flu-like symptoms that have continued until tonight. I wonder if getting sick and dealing with my PPD was just too much for my body to handle last night. I’m doing better mentally today, but it has been hard taking care of C and not feeling well. I’m hoping for a better day tomorrow!
For those who experience PPD or anxiety, how do you deal with anxiety attacks? Do you have any tips for caring for your child when you’re sick?
I’m pretty sure my adventurous, determined, wild little C started revealing his personality to me while he was still in the womb. There was a period of time between weeks 20 through about 26 when C was breech and I sincerely thought one of his feet was going to pop ninja-style out of my vagina. When he wasn’t using my bladder as his personal trampoline, he was ferociously kicking my cervix. Thankfully, when I thought I couldn’t endure it any longer, he flipped. Later, when I was
encouraging begging him to come out, he decided to make his entrance into the world after my due date.
Hubster and I often laugh about how C keeps kicking his legs even after we pick him up. He’s a bouncing, cruising, creeping machine. I love how determined he is, too. He has his mind set on opening one of the doors on our TV stand. He spends 10 minutes at a time just trying over and over to open it. He’ll give up for a while, play with a toy, then go back to it and try again. I wonder when he’ll realize it has a childproof lock on it…?!
C laughs at himself all the time. He has such a great sense of humor and I can’t wait until he can start talking to us. I think he’s going to be quite the little entertainer.
He even loves to laugh at me, particularly when I say “no” to him. As much as that might frustrate me in the moment, it’s hard to stay angry with him for long because he’s so gosh darn sweet. C has a huge heart, filled with so much love for his parents. He showers me with kisses (literally, they are VERY slobbery) and hugs on a daily basis. It’s bliss.
While I know that his dogged persistence and adventurous spirit might cause me to age prematurely, I’m excited that he has these traits. They will make him a strong, self-sufficient adult. I know this from experience because – as much as I hate to admit it – C inherited these personality traits from me.
**A quick disclaimer for my loved ones: When I mention “giving up” below, I’m talking about succumbing to the thoughts that PPD will consume my life forever. I have never experienced thoughts of harming myself. Just wanted to make that clear. Love you all!
It was just a few days ago that I wrote about celebrating the small victories that I’ve been experiencing. I think it’s so important for anyone fighting depression – or any other life struggle, for that matter – to rejoice in the small indications that we’re slowly winning the battle.
It’s so important, because there are still days like yesterday when life feels almost unbearably heavy. These days come once every week or two for me, but they’re very strong. It makes me feel like this PPD abyss will last forever. I feel like it would be easier to give up than to keep fighting these thoughts and feelings. Below, a glimpse into my thoughts on one of these days.
I’m too exhausted to get off of the couch. Can’t you even interact with your baby? You’re a terrible mother.
The kitchen is such a mess. Why can’t you clean it? You’re so lazy.
Please, C, stop crying. I need to rest. You can play by yourself. Please, play by yourself. You can’t play with your child? You’re a horrible person for letting this happen to you.
I’m too tired to work out tonight. Loser.
Bad mother. Loser. Lazy. You let this happen to you. These are just a few of the toxic thoughts that run through my head on my bad days. I want to just curl up under a blanket in a dark, quiet room until the day passes. That’s why I temporarily withdraw from the world. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle these days and push those thoughts away. For now, I just keep on fighting.