I’m happy to introduce you to Charity, a wonderful, strong woman I’ve had the opportunity to meet through #ppdchat on Twitter.  She puts her soul into her writing, and it’s beautiful.  Thank you for being here today, Charity!

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Thank you Kristin for having me today.  I write about faith, family and mental health over at Giggles and Grimaces.  I share about life with three little girls, ages 5,4, 1.  Sometimes my writing, like this one, is on the serious side, other times it is about the funsies we have doing projects together!  Come check us out!

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I never used to care much about music.  Sure, I listened to the radio and owned some CDs, but otherwise, it didn’t feed my soul.  But over the last year that has changed.  Now, rarely a day goes by that I don’t turn my music on as soon as I get to work and listen as much as possible throughout the day.  And once I get home, a different playlist gets turned on to get me through the evening chores and activities.

I developed postpartum depression and anxiety after my youngest daughter was born 21 months ago.  It has been a rough road as the ups and downs have gotten worse and the depression has morphed into something beyond the initial illness.

There have been many hard times since Patrice was born, but there have been gifts.  I have met wonderful people, like Kristin, through Twitter, I have actually been more involved in my family life as that is often the only place I feel safe and I have discovered the healing power of music.  I am so thankful for these things.  Please find below one of my new favorites by Rob Thomas.  Please read along with me as I share some of my heart along with the lyrics.

 “Her Diamonds”

Oh what the hell she said
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what I’m doing
Like I don’t know now

There are a lot of days I feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I look at the positive that I can’t win for losing.  I try to focus on all the good, I do, but depression is not that easy, unfortunately, it steals the joy out of the happy moments right before you.

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it’s funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

Depression is a family affair.  My husband is an amazing support, but he can’t “fix” me and I know that is hard on him.

And she says oh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best but now she can’t win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don’t feel right

I’ve recently been in the midst of not being able to take anymore.  Honestly, there has seemed no escape.  People have tried to encourage me by distraction and it helps, but the pain is still there.  Still haunting, still devouring.

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there’s something less about her
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don’t let her see

And she says oh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best but now she can’t win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She’ll be alright
She’ll be alright
Just not tonight

She shuts out the night—oh the hope in this, to close my eyes to the darkness, it may not allow me to wake up to light in the morning, today, but it will one morning and I’ll have more to fight with, I’ll have more to give, more to push  off the night.

And she says oh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can’t help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best but now she can’t win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

Our tears our diamonds, they are our joys and sorrows, our hopes and dreams, pain, the sorrow, each is precious and worth capturing.  Our falling diamonds bring relief and healing, they give strength and perspective.

Don’t despise the tears you are given, they just might be what get you through your own night. 

Lyrics from A-Z Lyrics Universe