There’s something that I am afraid of. I’m not talking about roller coasters or spiders (*flails wildly*), I’m talking about failure.
I am afraid that I will fail at the biggest thing I want to do for myself: losing weight.
I haven’t been comfortable with my body weight since college and, if I’m going to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t really comfortable with it then either. That discomfort was due to adolescence and body image insecurities, but it was there. Seven years, two kids, and two rounds of postpartum mood disorders later, I’m confident in what my body can do. It is stronger than I thought possible, determined to a fault. I should love it unconditionally for that and worry less about the imperfections.
Insecurities plague me as I enter my upper-20s. My body has endured PCOS, two pregnancies, two cesareans and a medication-caused weight gain. I don’t have this elusive “body confidence” that people say we should model for our children. But I want it.
I want to model body confidence and healthy body image to my children. I have one child who eats differently and will most likely be smaller than his peers. I have another child who appears to be built just like me, so I know the insecurities that she will likely face.
So what is stopping me from reaching my goal? Twice it was pregnancies. The third time it was Zoloft. Now there is nothing but fear in my way. I find myself stricken with the fear that I will try my hardest and will fail. What choice do I have but to try? After all, not trying guarantees failure.
I need to make myself a priority even though I’m responsible for so many other things.
I need to find a way to push past the fear.
I need to get out of my own head and just go for it.
What methods do you use to push past your fears?