I found myself close to tears a few times yesterday. A few times those tears even spilled down my cheeks. Mother’s Day served as a reminder of how difficult this year of mothering has been for me. During this third year as a mom, many difficult things happened.
C basically stopped eating.
C became lethargic and was checked in to Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin.
I fought for months to get him occupational therapy.
Months of therapy.
Tube feedings four times per day.
Caring for our second child through all of this.
My third year as a mom tested me in ways I never imagined. It turned me into a fierce advocate. It taught me how to navigate the world of tubes, syringes, g tube care, and enteral nutrition. It simultaneously softened my heart as a caregiver and focused my mind to live day by day, even moment by moment if necessary. It gave me an appreciation for my ability to stay home with my children, because I could not have kept a job this year while managing C’s care. Perhaps most evident yesterday, it exhausted me. It has exhausted me in a way that is not remedied with a nap. The kind of weariness that I think only a mother with a special needs child develops over time. The kind that keeps pushing us forward with unrelenting determination. The kind that will forevermore define us. This third year has cultivated a warrior.
Happy Mother’s Day, warriors.