My Dearest C,
You were our unexpected blessing, born just ten months after I was told it would be difficult for me to have children. When you came along, you changed the course of my life in a most unexpected way. You made me a mama. Someday you’ll discover that becoming a parent is a scary thing. You were a high needs baby, and I was terrified that I had no idea what I was doing.
Months later, I found out that I was suffering from postpartum depression. I was present for your infancy, but I was not myself. Some say that an illness such as this can affect a mother’s bond with her child, but I never questioned ours.
Mama and C, 1 year
Becoming a stay-at-home mom was a difficult transition. Stay-at-home parenthood can be rather isolating and monotonous. Two years later, I can’t imagine not spending each day with you. I’m here to witness all of your “firsts,” to kiss your boo-boos, to rejoice in all your laughter and to help you through your tantrums. I know I made the right choice.
It’s the little things that make my heart skip a beat. The way you worry about me when I’m sick. The way you come into a room, look at me and say, “Hi buddy!” The way you laugh when I tickle you and request, “More tickle!”
After C (2) gave me a hug, said, “Mama sick,” got his blanket and covered us both.
I’m often amazed at how similar we are. Perhaps that’s why we have such a strong bond, but I know that in the future our likeness will sometimes be the source of conflict between us. You see, we’re both very strong-willed, independent, adventurous souls. I’m happy that you have these traits. They will help you become a strong adult.
You’ve always liked to line up items neatly. You’re very particular and organized, just like your mama! (You were an infant when you lined up my shoes!)
Lately, you’ve been wanting one of us to lie in bed next to you until you fall asleep at night. I’m happy to take on that parenting duty. It’s in these moments that I get to soak up your sweet hugs, kisses and cuddles. We turn on the light to your pillow pet and point at the stars projected on the ceiling. You talk to me about your day (or at least that’s what I think you do – many of your words are still toddler babble). You bring your face close to mine, look into my eyes and caress my cheek with your sweet little hand. Those moments are my absolute favorite. You have so much love in your heart, and your tenderness brings me so much love and joy.
You, my boy, have stolen your mama’s heart. Please don’t ever give it back.
All my love,