Category Archives: having children

Arming Myself With Information

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Now that C is 13 months old, it’s about that time…to think about when to start trying for baby deuce.  PPD caught me off guard last time (well, let’s be honest, the pregnancy itself caught me off guard as well!).  This time, I want to be thorough, knowledgeable and have a game plan.

I’ve talked to my #PPDchat lovelies about resources they’ve utilized and they came up with a list for me:

My first read was the book by Jerusha Clark, which was interesting.  I enjoy reading other women’s stories because I see myself in them.  Her book is an excellent resource for partners, family, and friends of women with PPD.

I’m simultaneously working through Karen Kleiman’s, “What Am I Thinking? Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression,” and Shoshana S. Bennett’s, “Pregnant on Prozac.”  Kleiman’s book is very interactive.  You’re able to write in your answers to specific questions that she’s laid out to help you examine your mindset and develop your plan for dealing with a subsequent episode of PPD.  Bennett’s book is really helping me figure out the treatment options for mood disorders during pregnancy, which treatment plan is best for me, which doctors I will need to have on my “team,” and the risks of both treating and not treating depression with medication during pregnancy.

I’m also eager to read Karen Kleiman’s, “This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression.”

Once we move into our permanent apartment and our new insurance starts, I want to start assembling my team of doctors that I will need to see me through this (primary care provider, OBGYN, psychiatrist and/or therapist).  Upon the recommendation in Bennett’s book, I’ve contacted my state coordinator of Postpartum Support International to see if they have a list of specialists in my area.  Ideally, I’d like my doctors to have experience with PPD and treating women with psychiatric medication during pregnancy.  We’ll see if I get lucky and they exist in my area!  *fingers crossed*

I’m eager to talk things through with my “team” and figure out if I should try to wean off of my medication, or to a lower dosage, before trying for baby deuce; or if it’s best for me to keep going with what is working for me.  I’m excited to expand our family and give C a sibling, but I also want to be super prepared.  And when I factor in my PCOS, only time will tell if conceiving baby deuce will be a challenge.

Have you read any other books about this topic that helped you?  Have you had a baby after PPD?  If so, what was your experience like?

Myth: Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom is Easy

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Over the past week, someone said to me that they’d love to be able to “just” stay at home with their kids.  (They emphasized the “just.”  This person did not have children.)  Inwardly, I was outraged that this person thought that life at home with children was so easy.  Outwardly, all I could do was smile politely at their ignorance.

Whether you’ve stayed at home with your child during your maternity leave, you’re a work-at-home-mom, or you’re a full-time stay-at-home-mom (hereby referred to as SAHM), you know that the last word you’d use to describe your job is “easy.”  In fact, this is easily the most difficult job I have ever had.

Since I’m not going to be a rude, exhausted mother of a fussy newborn and go off on an ignorant bystander, I will provide an outline of my inner tirade that is set off with those types of comments:

  • There are no breaks in mothering.  No 15-minute morning break.  No lunch break.  No taking a vacation day.  Sick?  Too bad!
  • Have a problem with a coworker?  At least you can walk away from the problem.  Try walking away from your fussy offspring.  Not an option.
  • Hate getting up early for work?  Try waking up every couple of hours for night feedings.
  • Try spending an entire day without seeing an adult.  You will find yourself starved for adult conversation, in any form; yet, almost worthless in conversation due to exhaustion.  (Next time you see a tired, disheveled looking woman in the store looking at you eagerly, she’s probably a new mother.)
  • Work 9-5, 2-10, or even 6-6?  Hey, at least you can bug off after you get your hours in.  My job is 24/7 baby.
  • Can’t function in the morning without your coffee?  Most days, I don’t even have time to make any.
  • Some days, I would eagerly trade my SAHM duties for some good ol’ workplace stress (not that I don’t love my baby, don’t get me wrong).

And the other thing that really makes me mad on a tough day is the person who complains about how little sleep they’re getting.  Dude, I get that you’re busy with work/school/whatever, but don’t complain to me about being tired.  You have the option to sleep in on a Saturday or take an afternoon nap if you can work it out with your schedule.  I’m at a child’s beck and call 24 hours each day, and I can guarantee that I’m getting less sleep than you and you’re not hearing me complain to you about it.

Truth: Being a SAHM or WAHM is not easy.  And don’t tell me it is because if I’m having an exceptionally bad day, I might drop-kick you.

Patience is Not a Virtue That I Have

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Do/did any of you ever get really impatient waiting for your due date to get closer and for baby to arrive?  Some days I feel like I’m going crazy with the waiting – and that my due date will never come.  I really want to wash up all of his clothes, blankets, sheets, car seat, etc.  REALLY bad.

Patience has never been one of my strong suits.  I’ve always had a very specific plan for my life.  Baby C really squashed that plan by coming along about 5 years ahead of schedule, but we’ve adapted.  Even though I’ve already created a spreadsheet of all of the possible schools that Hubster will be applying to next year (if they have openings), I’ve done pretty well with not knowing where we’re going to be living once summer 2012 comes along.  I’m trying to adapt.

But I’d really like to have labor and delivery over with, know what our baby looks like, discover what life with a newborn is like, start working out to lose the baby weight that I’m still gaining, and…and…

This is exhausting.

Plans Change…

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For several months, we were uber excited to have NYE plans with some of our bestest of friends.  It would be about 5 months since we’d last seen them, and the hubster and I have no plans to make the long haul back to visit before the baby is born…so it would probably be another 6 months before we would see them again. :(

Then NYE got closer and the weather report came out.  Why on earth would it warm up so much that we would get rain?!  It is DECEMBER 31st for heaven’s sake.  So there it is – dense fog due to the warm air over the melting snow cover.

If it had just been the hubster and me, we would have made the trip while checking on the road conditions as we traveled.  I feel terrible not making the trip to see them, both because we really were looking forward to some quality fun time with them and because my friend had so sweetly planned an elaborate dinner menu.  But this morning, as our baby was kicking around in my belly, I knew that if anything were to happen I would never be able to forgive myself.

After all, this summer my doctor told me that we would have a difficult time conceiving when it came time for us to start a family.  Even though that part of our lives was about five years into our planned future, I was devastated.  The month before, we had just celebrated our first anniversary and my 23rd birthday…and now I found out we’d possibly never have children.  The next month I found out I was pregnant.

It is no small miracle that we’re expecting our little boy; and while it took me the entire first trimester to outgrow the shock of the situation, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  It’s funny how life surprises you. Less than 10 years ago, I thought I’d be this big-shot career woman who would never even want children.  Now I’m going to be a stay-at-home mom in just a few months.

So even though we’re both devastated that we won’t be able to spend tonight with dear, fun friends, I am also thankful for the reason we made this decision.  And we’ll get to see our friends tomorrow – so it will just be a postponement of one day :)