Behind the Selfie: The True Story about our Night

Behind the Selfie The Truth about our Night

Baby Jo and I took this selfie last night. You see our smiles, but you can’t see anything but this brief moment in time. That’s the problem with selfies. We see all these smiling faces plastered over social media, but do we really know what’s going on? What’s the story behind the selfie?

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When God Taps You on the Shoulder

I’ve been working hard on being a better listener. For me, that meant finding a church that I could call my home and not being anonymous there. I tried and failed twice to join a small group (Hubster’s night schedule is a little insane), but Hubster and I actually just finished one together. The key ingredient: they offered childcare! I wanted to find a church and get involved so that I wasn’t just an anonymous face. I wanted people to notice when I wasn’t there. Accountability, friendships, the feeling that our family was “settled” somewhere.

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The Holidays Then & Now

The Holidays Then & Now

There was something about the holidays that was magical. The snow falling softly. The warm cup of coffee in hand as we critiqued neighborhood Christmas lights. The gatherings of friends and family.

I have to say, the holidays no longer feel magical. I think a lot of the “magic” of life is gone now. These days, my world revolves primarily around C’s health, therapy and feedings. Everything else just kind of…happens.

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A Little Grace

Friends, I need a little grace right now.

I may look at your message, only to be interrupted before I am able to reply.

I may not be able to answer your call, because C is acting out.

I may forget something that you asked me to do, because my mind is racing with therapy ideas and tasks.

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“I hope you have a child just like you someday.”

“I hope you have a child just like you someday.”

What is that? A curse? Because it worked.

I hope you have a child just like you #LittleMamaJama

My 3-year-old son and I are one soul inhabiting two bodies. We are basically the same person. He is me – in the body of a 3-year-old boy, that is.

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#IAmProtective because I am a special needs parent. #CollectiveBias #shop

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #CollectiveBias

C peeks from behind door #IAmProtective #CollectiveBias #shop

“Good morning, Mommy!” C pops open his bedroom door to greet me, if he hasn’t snuck into bed with us during the night. We start the day with cuddles, his brushing and lotion sensory protocol and a tube feed. C has sensory processing disorder, gastroparesis and a g-tube. Thankfully, the doctor appointments are less frequent now, but we still find ourselves racing to therapy appointments multiple days each week. My days are filled with blending tube feeds, administering tube feeds, portioning out medicines and vitamins, therapy, implementing what we talked about in therapy and then the usual tasks associated with being a mother of two toddlers. I sometimes find myself wondering what my family would do if something happened to me. How much life insurance do I need?

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The Clarity of Bedtime

Bedtime provides clarity on difficult days with our #spd toddler #specialneeds #LittleMamaJama

The tension in his little body is visible. I know it is going to be a difficult day. Today, he will be aggressive. It will be difficult for him to follow direction, because auditory processing will not be easy. Motor planning will be harder today so I expect him to run into his sister, body slam me, and roll around on the floor in frustration.

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3 Ingredients to a Perfect Mommy Time Out #MyGoodLife #shop

Disclosure: This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #CollectiveBias

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

Reason would indicate that my three-year-old needs something, right? Nope. He just wants my attention. He does this to me all day long, and it’s usually while Baby Jo is looking something like this:

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Wondering what the future holds for my special needs child

What does the future hold for my special needs son?

I know that I spend too much time thinking about the future. I just can’t help but wonder what the future holds for my special needs son.

When C has difficulty listening to directions, I wonder how things will go for him in school. Language and auditory processing is difficult for him with his sensory processing disorder. I wonder how he will handle the pace of a classroom. What extracurricular activities will he be involved in? Will he be able to keep up with directions? Will he process language and turn it into a motor plan quickly enough to participate in his favorite sports? I pray that he won’t be bullied for being slower with processing. The thought of it alone shatters my heart into a million pieces.

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Bedtime Conversations with C

Bedtime Conversations with C

Now that C has turned three, it has become even more apparent that we’re but one soul inhabiting two bodies. He is super chatty at bedtime, just like me, and talks my ear off about anything and everything his little three-year-old mind dreams up. Here is a sample from one of our bedtime conversations:

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Why this Mother’s Day was emotional for me

Kymberly Carlson Photography

Kymberly Carlson Photography

I found myself close to tears a few times yesterday. A few times those tears even spilled down my cheeks. Mother’s Day served as a reminder of how difficult this year of mothering has been for me. During this third year as a mom, many difficult things happened.

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The Moments That Make the Hard Parts of Staying Home Worth It

Staying at home with my kids means I’m there through everything. Every smile, every hug, every “first.” That also means I witness every tantrum, every skipped nap, the monotony, and I can’t forget the body fluids. Oh, the body fluids. We may live on a university campus, but I think even our neighbors would be shocked by the amount of body fluids going on in here every day. I’m sure any parent who stays at home would agree that parenting in the trenches 24/7 can get really hard sometimes.

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Moms are awesome. #WorldsToughestJob

If you haven’t seen this viral video yet, by American Greetings and Cardstore, you must watch it! They created a real job posting, posted it on real sites and conducted real interviews. Their working job title was, “Director of Operations.” It gave me goosebumps! Enjoy. :)

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What I Haven’t Told You: C’s Sleep Study Results

Three weeks have passed since C had his sleep study done at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. It doesn’t feel like it could have been that long ago, yet this time has been filled with shock, stress and uncertainty. I haven’t told you about C’s sleep study results because I’ve been having a difficult time processing it.

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What I Don’t Say About Being a Special Needs Mom

“I don’t know how you do it.”

I get those words a lot. I usually smile and reply, “You learn to deal with what you have to deal with.” That’s the truth, but there is a lot more to my truth that I don’t add. The truth in its entirety is just too much.

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Parenting as a Multiple Choice Exam

Sometimes it feels like parenting is just one giant exam after another. I don’t know if there’s really a correct answer to some of the exams, but I’m sure there are ways to fail. My latest exam had me feeling completely unprepared. Frantic, even. Here’s a breakdown of my most recent exam – tell me how you’d handle it!

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Family of Four

Family of Four #LittleMamaJama

I unwrapped Baby Jo’s new toothbrush and slid it into the last open space in our toothbrush holder. There it was, a full toothbrush holder. Four toothbrushes. Something so simple, but it brought tears to my eyes. We have a family of four.

The month before I got pregnant with C, I was told that I had PCOS and it would be difficult for me to conceive children. Having children was not in my five-year plan at the time, but I was devastated. I had always pictured a family. That picture involved four children at the time – two boys and two girls, naturally. ;)

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How I Came to Embrace Stay at Home Motherhood

When I found out I was going to be a mother, I had just moved to a new state with Hubster for our graduate programs. I had a five-year plan and having a baby wasn’t on the list. The shock was immediate, quickly followed by hyperemesis which required me to drop out of grad school. There I was – extremely ill, jobless, a grad school dropout, about to become a mother at the age of 23.

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Sometimes You Just Need to Cry

The kids have been sick all week. Baby Jo had her cold for so long that C and I came down with it again. When they’re sick, they are super whiny, clingy and jealous of each other. If I’m holding one, the other is crying. They pull at me all day long. C’s SPD is out of control when he’s sick. It makes for very long, very loud, very stressful days.

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Hanging Out With My Sweet Baby Jo

It was one of those rare occasions when the stars aligned and both of my children took an afternoon nap. Naturally, I heard Baby Jo wake up just a few short, quiet minutes later. I was so glad she did, though. I had lots of special one-on-one time with C before she was born, but I don’t often get special time when it’s just Baby Jo and me. I walked in to get her out of her crib and she met me with a gigantic smile.

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When I became a mother about five years earlier than my life plan allowed for, I was unsure what to expect. I knew I’d be in love with my sweet baby boy. I knew my life would change dramatically. Life would no longer be about Hubster and me – it would be about our family of three. Even one year ago, I didn’t realize how motherhood would stretch me in ways I never thought I was capable.

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“Tummy Hurt.”

I think this may have all been a little easier before C was able to articulate things. Last night I noticed that there was fluid leaking around his g-tube button, which meant that I needed to add 1-2 ml of water to the balloon for a tighter fit. He squirmed and whined as I tightened the fit of the g-tube button.

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I am the mother of a special needs child.

Sometimes I look at my son and it’s like life is spinning wildly around us, yet time is frozen while I look at his sweet face and the feeding tube protruding from his stomach. Life just spins and spins as I try desperately to keep up, all the while wondering. Wondering, when did this all happen?

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Wooo-eee, some days are tough.

Have you ever had one of those days when you questioned if you were the right parent for your child? If you were equipped with enough patience, understanding and skills to help your child? If you could really handle the situation that life has thrown your way?

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Gotta Have Faith

This is the chorus I’m singing!

C’s staph infection is slowly clearing up, though we’ve been fighting during some of his feeds. He likes to throw things and then tries to whine, cry, get away from his feed. He hasn’t vomited a feed in a couple days, so that is a big win.

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C and Mama’s Day Out

Our little C-man has been having so many doctors appointments and hospital visits this month that I wanted to give him some special fun time. My plan was to take him to the train museum, but I was a little concerned that he wouldn’t be into it.

Me: “C, you need to get dressed so that we can have special fun time at the train museum today!”
C: “No. I play with cars.”

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And then the tears came.

I don’t know if it was my son’s tears or his screams, “No, no!” But my own tears finally came. They poured in streams down my cheeks. I didn’t want C to see me breaking down, so I hid in the bathroom. I sobbed so hard that my abdomen started to cramp. Thoughts raced through my mind.

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Figuring Out My Parenting Style

It seems like these days you’re expected to pick out a parenting style before giving birth. Are you going to practice attachment parenting? Free range parenting? Are you going to use the Ferber method? Extended breastfeeding?

There are just so many theories. Quite honestly, the parenting theories overwhelmed me when I had C. I had no idea what parenting style I believed in. Then I got a postpartum mood disorder, and I was struggling to tread water. I kind of fumbled through that first year and did what felt right.

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We All Deserve Some “Me” Time

We’ve all met that mom. You know the one – the mom who proclaims that she doesn’t take any time for herself because she loves her family so much. I always want to go over to her, stroke her hair and say, “Sweetie, you’re a mother. Not a martyr.”

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5 Things Every C-Section Mama Needs

first family photo in hospital 2013

I didn’t anticipate having a c-section the first time around, so I wasn’t really prepared. I remember asking my mom to run out and pick me up the tallest granny panties she could find! After experiencing two c-sections now, I’ve discovered that there are five things that are essential to recovery.

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I Made The Right Decisions

My second pregnancy brought about a lot of decisions that I needed to make. Considering my history of postpartum depression, emergency cesarean and hyperemesis, there were some difficult choices I had to make.

Taking Antidepressants as a Precaution
This time around, I was under the care of a psychiatrist. I wanted to seek out the advice of someone whose sole focus was psychotropic medication. After the horrific experience I had coming off of the last antidepressant, which was prescribed by the nurse practitioner in my former OBGYN clinic, I wasn’t going to take any chances.

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To The Little Boy Who Stole My Heart

My Dearest C,

You were our unexpected blessing, born just ten months after I was told it would be difficult for me to have children. When you came along, you changed the course of my life in a most unexpected way. You made me a mama. Someday you’ll discover that becoming a parent is a scary thing. You were a high needs baby, and I was terrified that I had no idea what I was doing.

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I’m Not Just Doing Laundry, I’m Raising Human Beings

Many times since C was born, I’ve found myself struggling to answer the questions, “What do you do?” and “What did you do today?”

As a mom, my days can be monotonous. I sometimes often feel like I haven’t accomplished a single thing. C can demand my constant attention, preventing me from “doing” (read: accomplishing) anything else. Now I’m in the midst of my first week as a stay-at-home mom of two children, and simply meeting everyone’s fundamental needs can seem like a challenge.

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Breathing It All In

When I think back to the days and weeks after C was born, I don’t remember that much. I was trying desperately to breastfeed, but felt like I was failing. Hubster and I were extremely sleep deprived. C developed colic around his second week of life. He needed to be held in order to sleep. I remember a lot of crying, a lot of stress, a lot of frustration, a lot of uncertainty in my ability to raise a human being.

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I’m Relieved About My Repeat C-Section

As I was sitting in C’s room waiting for him to fall asleep, it occurred to me that I am not at all nervous about having this baby. Flashback to two years ago – I was almost panicky thinking about my upcoming birth. I’m slightly shocked that I’m not concerned about this one. My birth with C was quite traumatic and resulted in an emergency c-section. I expected to be a bundle of nerves for any future birth experience.

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Things Are About To Change

Our family is about to grow from three to four. That’s kind of a crazy concept for me to think about. As an only child, I’m unsure how to navigate this change for C. He’s sensing that things are about to change and it’s affecting his behavior.

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Guest Post on Mama’s Comfort Camp

Mama's Comfort Camp

Today, I’m guest posting over at Mama’s Comfort Camp!

My friend, Yael Saar, is a mama on a mission to remove guilt and shame from parenting. She is the Founder and Keeper of the Mama’s Comfort Camp, a Facebook community that functions as a safe haven and refueling station for hundreds of moms from around the world. This community is free and open to moms of kids of any age, and we share our laughter, tears, and triumphs, all the while normalizing motherhood struggles and bridgeing the gap between expectations and reality in a uniquely nurturing environment.

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What is “No More Perfect Moms” All About?

“No More Perfect Moms” is being released this week, and if you purchase it this week you’ll receive $100 worth of bonuses for free!  But what is this book all about?  Watch this intro video to find out.  For more information, you can see more videos like this one at

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Buy “No More Perfect Moms” This Week & Receive Bonuses!

Everyone loves a good investment…especially one that comes with a big bonus! This is one of those investments that you don’t want to miss!

Purchase Jill Savage’s new book No More Perfect Moms anytime between February 3-9 (online or at a store…and yes, electronic versions such as Kindle and Nook count too!) Send a copy of your receipt to Scan it, take a picture of it – just be sure to send it to the email! You’ll be given access to well over $100 worth of resources that will help you on your mothering journey – absolutely free!

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Saying Goodbye to House Envy {No More Perfect Moms}

We live in an apartment in a residence hall on the university campus where Hubster works.  It comes with the territory of him working in residence life, and I completely knew that and was okay with it when we got married.  I totally support this part of his career and know that he won’t always be in a live-on position.

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I Was Less Excited Than Everyone Else

Today, I’m linking up with Shell from Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday.

One week ago, I had an appointment at my OBGYN for a typical pregnancy checkup.  If the ultrasound technician was available, they would also check for the baby’s gender since Baby Deuce’s legs were crossed during the 20-week ultrasound.  Going into the appointment, I didn’t know if the technician would be available and, even if she was, if Baby Deuce would cooperate.

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My Sweet Boy

I’m crazy about my little boy.  He does this sweet thing where he puts his hands on my face, and pulls my face close to his for kisses or snuggles.  It melts my heart in ways I can’t describe.

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from our trip.  He’s the best.

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Changing Expectations {No More Perfect Moms}

I have always had very high expectations for myself.  Because of that, it’s always been difficult not to have high expectations of others.  I’m discovering that I project high expectations on my child sometimes.  I feel terrible about that, and I want to change it quickly.

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Raising A Special Needs Child In An Intolerant Society by Rachel Habegger {Guest Post}

I’m excited to introduce my friend, Rachel, to you today.  She and her husband blog about family life and their fitness journey on their blog, To Hab & To Hold.  Thank you for being here to share your precious boy’s story, Rachel!

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My Years of Transition by Anna Stindt {Guest Post}

I’m happy to have my friend, Anna, posting here today.  Anna is a social worker and mom to a 17-month-old son.  Thank you for being here, Anna! - Odd years have been good to me & I hope for the same in 2013.
  • 2003- graduated high school
  • 2007- graduated college
  • 2009- graduated from my master’s & got married
  • 2011- my son was born
  • 2013- starts our new adventure…
My husband recently got a job about 120 miles from where we currently live. Since, end of November we have started our 2013 transition of moving to a new city. We have been staying with our parents at either location due to holiday travel has well. I have to say my 17-month-old has handled it very well. A few things I have done that I think was helpful:
  • Familiar toys at both location
  • kept to his usual routine of eating & sleeping
  • have his security item (blanket/ puppy) with us at all times
  • either mom or dad have been with him everyday.

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The Day I Tried To Make a Fort

When Hubster left for work yesterday, he said he wouldn’t be home until 8:30pm.  After the door closed behind him, I panicked.  There was *SO* much time in the day!

I put out a plea for creative indoor activities (it was raining here yesterday) on Facebook, and my lovely friend Andrea, of Postpartum and Pigtails, gave me some awesome ideas.  One of them was to build a fort.  I immediately got flashbacks of building forts as a kid and knew I had to try that!

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Online Support Group for Moms: Mama’s Comfort Camp

Sometimes being a mom is really tough.  Ok, who are we kidding – sometimes?!  ;)

I’m so grateful to have met Yael Saar from PPD to Joy.  Several months ago, she started a closed Facebook group called “Mama’s Comfort Camp,” where moms can go to be greeted with support and love in a judgement-free zone.  It’s grown into a wonderful community with 300+ members who are there to celebrate with you or offer support during difficult times.

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An Emergency Cesarean and the Scars That Remain

After C was born, it didn’t cross my mind right away that I had experienced a traumatic delivery.  I think I was in shock from it all, and just relieved that it was over.  While I generally don’t think about his birth and the events that led to my emergency cesarean, there are certain triggers that bring it up for me.

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Phantom Kicks

Have you ever gotten phantom kicks?  They’re these little things that feel like a baby kicking, but you’re not pregnant.  They’re really weird, and I get one every once in a while.

But then it turns out ya just have to fart.


What I Love About Being a SAHM

There are some days that I really wouldn’t mind going back to work outside of the home.  I do miss working in higher education sometimes, and when I have a particularly challenging day with C, the thought of going back seems very attractive.

Then I have moments with him when he’s very cuddly or he sees me from across the room and runs up to me saying, “Mama!”  I love when he says a new word or his eyes dance when I read him a story.  It makes me laugh when his favorite song comes on and he starts bobbing his head and dancing.  When he sees a dog on TV, he says “woof woof!”

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Interview at Tiny Blue Lines

The lovely Chaunie at Tiny Blue Lines interviewed me!  Check it out here.

One of THOSE Days

So yesterday was one of THOSE days.  You know, the ones that make you want to run for the hills.

Or in this case, it made me want to run back to one of those cushy office jobs that I used to have.  Where I spoke with ADULTS all day and didn’t have to constantly pull a climbing toddler off of the furniture.

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I usually take the path less traveled, and my journey to motherhood was no different.  If you’re not familiar with my story, I’ll give you the abridged version.  In July 2010, I was told I had PCOS (polycystic ovaries) and it would be difficult for me to conceive children.  In August, I started graduate school and a graduate assistantship only to find out a week later that – surprise! – I was pregnant.  I ended up with hyperemesis and was so ill that I could hardly leave our apartment.  In early October, I was forced to withdraw from graduate school, thereby losing my job as well.  I spent the majority of April 2011 experiencing false labor, and then after 2.5 hours of pushing I ended up with an emergency c-section on April 29.  A long, slow spiral into postpartum depression ensued, but wasn’t diagnosed until December 2011.

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Things I’m Afraid to Tell You: 10 Things About Pregnancy and Early Motherhood

Today, I’m joining the Things I’m Afraid To Tell You linkup!  Thank you to Jess Constable, who came up with this idea, as well as Ez of Creature Comforts, who turned it into a movement.  Here is a Huffington Post article on this topic by Laura Rossi.  If you’d like to link up with a post, you may do so with the linky at the bottom of this post!

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Guest Posting at PPD to Joy

Today, I am guest posting at PPD to Joy about experiencing anger and anxiety during PPD.  Check out my post here!  PPD to Joy is written by the wonderful Yael Saar, whose work has no doubt been invaluable to many others including myself.

Yael Saar of survived postpartum depression twice, and became a mama on a mission to remove guilt, shame, and blame from parenting. Her Facebook group Mama’s Comfort Camp has over 150 mamas from all over the world supporting each other with self-care and self-kindness. I’m a member of the group and I love it. You can ask to join the group here.  Yael will soon be teaching her (Not)Secret (Not)Weapon online class about disarming anxiety and anger with practical bodymind methods and emotional safety nets. How cool is that? Check it out at

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Guest Posting at The Fussy Baby Site

I’m guest posting at The Fussy Baby Site today!  Check it out! :)

Mother’s Intuition

Last week, I had my first experience with mother’s intuition.  It makes me smile thinking about it.

We dropped C off with my parents the week of our move, so that he wouldn’t be getting into boxes and cleaning products as we prepared to leave our apartment.  He did really well with them, and we made sure we Skyped every day until moving day.

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Becoming a Working Mom by Anna S. {Guest Post}

Anna, a college friend of mine, is here today to tell us about her surprise entry into motherhood and how she balances being a mom and working full-time.  Anna and her husband are also raising their son in a residence hall.  I had to laugh at her hubby’s reaction to her positive pregnancy test – that was Hubster’s exact reaction as well!  Thank you for being here, Anna!

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Finding The Truth by Leelah Orion {Guest Post}

Today, I’m happy to welcome Leelah, who has recently started blogging about making it while raising a family.  She writes from the heart, and I really appreciate her being here today.

This is my first guest blog; I’m really nervous about it. I’m rather new to the blogging world. My blog is called Baby Steps. It’s mostly just a place to get out of my head but I hope one day it will stand up with the greats.

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Impossible Expectations of Mother’s Day by Jen {Guest Post}

I met today’s blogger, Jen, through #ppdchat on Twitter.  I’m constantly amazed by her positive spirit and her ability to rally around all of those who are struggling.  Thank you for being here today, Jen!

I’m Jen of the blog  I have been happily married to my best friend for 9 years.  We have two girls who I refer to as Munch (4 ½ year old) and Skeeter (19 months old) on my blog.  My husband and I try to juggle parenting, professional responsibilities and housework.  I started my blog to help other moms who were struggling with postpartum mood disorders.  I received so much support from the online community that I felt called to pay it forward.  I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression seven months after the birth of my youngest, Skeeter.   I met Kristin through #ppdchat.  We bonded over our lovely home state of Wisconsin.  I am so excited that she will be moving back to the land of beer and cheese.  I am looking forward to getting the chance to meet her and her adorable C when she is settled into her new digs.  Thank you so much for letting me post and get a chance to vent about a family member who sometimes reads my blog. 

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Let’s Talk About Baby Care Tasks That We Hate

Since we all know that not all aspects of life with a baby are filled with sunshine, rainbows and glitter…

Let’s talk about the tasks we can’t stand, but have no choice in doing.  I can handle poop.  It’s smelly, it’s messy, but in the end it’s just human waste and we all produce it.  I can deal with urine.  I’ve been peed on several times by my son.  Whatever – urine is sterile.  Baby vomit has an extremely unpleasant smell and although makes my own stomach turn, cleaning it up is still not what I consider the worst task in baby care.

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Oh No, It’s April!

My baby boy turns one at the end of this month.  It can’t be!  Where did the time go?  What happened to my sweet, tiny infant who slept perfectly in my arms?

This past year with him went by far too quickly.  During his first colicky two months, I sometimes begged God to make the time pass more quickly so that difficult phase would end.  During his third through fifth months, he refused to nap anywhere but in our arms.  I spent so many hours confined to our rocking chair.  I often prayed that C would just get over it and sleep alone so that I could take a bathroom break.

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A Struggle With Body Image

I’m kind of nervous to put this “out there,” because I’ve always kept my struggles with body image and weight very quiet.  But I realize that I’m not the only woman with this inner battle, so I’ve decided to just own it.

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Sensory Bottles

DIY Sensory Bottles

My Pinterest addiction has introduced me to several new ideas for fun things to do with C, including making sensory bottles for him.  C has sensory processing disorder (SPD) and these sensory bottles might provide some interest to various textures. Depending on your child’s age, you could even have them help you create their own bottles! Touching these different textures will give them tactile sensory input.

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Laughing With My Son

C was chowing down on his rice cereal when he let out a gigantic burp.  He raised his eyebrows and started giggling.  It was the first time he laughed at himself.  His hearty laughter made me start laughing.  We just looked at each other and laughed harder and harder.  These are the moments that make all the sleepless nights worth it.  :)

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Help! Tips for Covering Up Under-Eye Circles?

Help!  I rarely had this issue pre-motherhood.  Nevertheless, I have eye brightener and concealer in my makeup arsenal; but nothing is working on the massive circles I woke up with this morning!

What are your tips for covering up under-eye circles?

This looks so relaxing...

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A Moment Shared

You know those perfect moments you have with your kids that you want to remember forever?

C and I recently shared one of those moments during a night feeding.  He finished his bottle and looked deep into my eyes.  He had such a loving look on his face.  We just sat there staring at each other while I rubbed his little head.  After holding each other’s gaze for a minute or so, we smiled.  It was perfection.

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Adoring My Little Boy

After C woke up for a night feeding, I just sat there adoring him instead of putting him back to bed right away.  I was just sitting there staring at his little face and holding his soft little hands, thinking about how awesome he is.  Here are some of my thoughts on what I love most about my little C…

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Ok, I Admit It…I’m Nervous

I’m nervous about leaving C with a babysitter.  In the beginning when C had colic, I didn’t want to subject someone else to his incessant cries.  I was also concerned about how someone else would be able to handle it.  As C gets a little older, I’m concerned about someone being able to handle his intensity and constant need for interaction.  I’ll admit, C is very difficult to handle sometimes.  He screams when he wants something and will continue to do so until his need is met.  He needs to switch activities VERY often.  C’s high needs.  The way I see it, if I - his own mother - have a hard time dealing with it sometimes, then how would someone else handle it?  It scares me.

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Had Time to Do My Hair!

I haven’t had time to do more than rub some product in my wet hair, scrunch up my curls and let them air-dry since C was born.  That’s four months.  Imagine my excitement when I saw Hubster and C sleeping in the recliner yesterday morning.  I had time to do my hair!  It wasn’t even that my hair looked fabulous when I was done, but more the fact that I was able to take the time to be ALONE and leisurely read a magazine while I did my hair.  *sigh*  It’s the simple things in life, really. ;)

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Saving Your Sanity

I read a blog today over at the fabulous marriagemotherhoodandmadness about sanity-saving activities.  We definitely have some in common (Keeping Up With the Kardashians!).  Here is my list of things that keep me sane throughout the day/week (and here is marriagemotherhoodandmadness‘ list!)

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Losing My Mind

Today, C is only happy while being held in a standing-up position.  You’d think he’d be happy standing in his exersaucer.  Nope.  You’d think he’d be happy playing in his gym (his absolute favorite toy).  Nope.  Is he hungry?  No, recently ate.  Does he need a diaper change?  No, recently pooped.  Is he tired?  No, he just took a two hour nap while being held because he would NOT stop crying in his pack n play.

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I think I’m in for a bad day.

C woke up at 10:30, 1, 3, 3:30, 4, 4:15, 4:30…  At 5:20, he decided that he was awake for the day.  At 5:30, he had a huge blowout and got poop everywhere.


My Life Now Revolves Around My Washing Machine

My dad recently mentioned to me that I’m doing laundry every time he visits – for the entire time he’s here.  He doesn’t only come on my laundry days and, since we live in different states, he is here for more than a short visit.  He’s right.  I do A LOT of laundry.

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How Do Single Mothers Do It?

I’m going to start tonight by applauding all of the single mothers out there.  I honestly don’t know how you do it.

Hubster has been working some crazy long hours lately.  To finish preparing for a presentation today, he was in his office until 4am this morning.  He leaves before 8 in the morning, so I’ve been having some extremely long days and nights on my own with C.  C generally doesn’t nap during the day (sometimes he sleeps 20 minutes on his own, or he’ll sleep longer if he’s being held), so I never seem to get a moment to myself to get things done or to just have a few moments of “me time.”  I think he’s going through another growth spurt, so he’s been extra cranky, tired and hungry.  This means that he’s been waking up a little more frequently at night to eat.  The past few days he has also been getting up at 6am instead of the typical 8am.

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High Needs Baby

Ever since C’s colic started, I’ve been following The Fussy Baby Site‘s blog.  Today, they posted a list of the Top Websites for Colic.  I visited the Ask Dr. Sears website that was listed and stumbled upon information on high needs babies.  I had an “aha” moment – FINALLY, C’s personality is explained.

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Read Your Books!

When I was pregnant, one of the last things I felt like doing sometimes was reading.  I was kind of a lazy sack at the end of my pregnancy.  But looking back, I wish I had taken that opportunity to read some parenting books that I struggle to find the time for now.

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Things Change…

There’s some things that I can no longer attend or do because C needs a nap, is fussy, or a barrage of other things.  Yet, it’s funny because now there’s nowhere I’d rather be or nothing I’d rather be doing than hanging out with this teeny tiny little person.

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Motherhood Is…

…waking up in the pre-dawn hours to pump and wash bottles.

…realizing that having time to shower is a luxury.

…being so busy with formerly mundane tasks (i.e. dishes, laundry) that the days fly by and you don’t know where the time goes.

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Car Seat Safety

Hubster and I attended a car seat safety class this week, sponsored by our local medical clinic.  I was dreading two hours of boring info about laws and facts.  It was actually really informative and I’d highly recommend any parent or soon-to-be parent to attend one of these classes.  Next week, we’ll even be able to have our car seat checked for proper installation.

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Yet Another Study Encourages “Back to Sleep”

An Australian study finds that babies who sleep on their stomachs have lower levels of oxygen in their brains than those who sleep on their backs.  This is yet another study that supports the Back to Sleep campaign that encourages parents to put their babies to sleep on their backs.  The incidence of SIDS increased between 1960 and 1980 when parents were encouraged to have their babies sleep on their stomachs.  The Back to Sleep campaign became popular in the 1990s and the occurrence of SIDS has since decreased.

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Product Recall

Summer Infant Baby Monitor Recall

2 Deaths Reported

More info here.


There are some things that are just not politically correct.  I’m usually someone who tries to be PC, but there are times when it just gets in the way.  I think the biggest non-PC thing that you can say about pregnancy is that you don’t enjoy being pregnant.

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Making Space for Baby

After we returned from our trip to visit family for the holidays, the fruits of our baby showers were littered across our entire living room.  And there it all sat for DAYS!  I’m one of those clean freak people who is easily overwhelmed by big messes…and that was definitely an overwhelming task of sorting through clothes, blankets and toys and finding room in our cramped apartment for them.  I am super excited to report that all of our big items were easily assembled and in working order, and the clothes were much easier to put away than I had anticipated.  We even purchased a couple items ourselves when we got back home, including this super cute outfit.  I can’t wait to dress him in this little polo and jeans – he’ll look just like his daddy :)

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Back to Sleep

I saw this article from Planning Family today that I thought I’d share.  It’s about the SIDS prevention “Back to Sleep” campaign.  It’s a reminder that it’s important to put babies to sleep on their backs and keep all blankets and other items out of their cribs in order to prevents the occurrence of SIDS.  Since the “Back to Sleep” campaign started in the early 1990s, the incidence of SIDS has been reduced by 50 percent!  That is an awesome indicator that back sleeping is the only way to go for infants. :)

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Daycare Costs

Yesterday I did some research that many moms-to-be likely do: how much will daycare cost if I go back to work once the baby is born?

Unlike some moms-to-be, I don’t currently have a job that I can go back to after maternity leave.  I lost my job as a by-product of my miserable morning sickness for the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy.  As a graduate assistant, I had to keep six credits of classes in order to keep my job.  Too sick with the dry heaves and intense nausea to sit through class, I had to drop two of my three classes due to attendance policies.  I couldn’t keep my job.  It was a very tough thing to have to withdraw from school and lose my job, but I’m so relieved now in retrospect.  There was no way I could have kept up with it all.  Trying to stay healthy during that period of time was a job in itself.  Looking forward to my third trimester, I can’t imagine having to waddle across campus to my old office.  It was really far away.

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