Category Archives: stay at home mom

The Day I Tried To Make a Fort

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When Hubster left for work yesterday, he said he wouldn’t be home until 8:30pm.  After the door closed behind him, I panicked.  There was *SO* much time in the day!

I put out a plea for creative indoor activities (it was raining here yesterday) on Facebook, and my lovely friend Andrea, of Postpartum and Pigtails, gave me some awesome ideas.  One of them was to build a fort.  I immediately got flashbacks of building forts as a kid and knew I had to try that!

I pulled one of the blankets off of our bed, brought some chairs into the living room and attempted to build a tent.  The center of the blanket kept sagging.  Ugh.  I tried to attach the blanket to higher places.  I wanted to tape it to the wall, but I wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to use tape (or only certain kinds?) on our walls.  Damn residence hall apartment living. ;)

I did what I could.  C loved it for the 15 seconds it lasted before he tore it apart.

I situated the blanket again.  And again, he loved it for the 15 seconds before he wrapped himself up in the blanket, destroying the fort.

The fort was a failure.

I cried.

What I Love About Being a SAHM

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There are some days that I really wouldn’t mind going back to work outside of the home.  I do miss working in higher education sometimes, and when I have a particularly challenging day with C, the thought of going back seems very attractive.

Then I have moments with him when he’s very cuddly or he sees me from across the room and runs up to me saying, “Mama!”  I love when he says a new word or his eyes dance when I read him a story.  It makes me laugh when his favorite song comes on and he starts bobbing his head and dancing.  When he sees a dog on TV, he says “woof woof!”

Even though there are days I want to pull my hair out because he won’t stop grabbing at his poop while I’m trying to change his diaper, or he refuses the seventh thing I try to feed him for lunch, I think I would miss those good moments too much if I went back to work outside the home.

Yesterday we had a lazy sweatpants day.  We had dance parties, cuddlebug moments, and we both took a nap.  There were hair-pulling moments, for sure, but I’m going to choose not to remember those.

One of THOSE Days

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So yesterday was one of THOSE days.  You know, the ones that make you want to run for the hills.

Or in this case, it made me want to run back to one of those cushy office jobs that I used to have.  Where I spoke with ADULTS all day and didn’t have to constantly pull a climbing toddler off of the furniture.

C is really living up to his “monkey” nickname.  He climbs on everything.  All the time. And this kid got his dogged determination from me.  It might help him later in life, but right now it’s just providing me with prematurely gray hair.

I can’t distract him from anything.  He will not be deterred.

Yesterday went something like this:

“Good job eating your spaghetti, C!”

 

C: throws handfuls of spaghetti at Mama’s light gray pants

 

“ARGHHHHHH!  We don’t throw food!”

 

C: throws more spaghetti onto the floor

 

I clean off his hands and face, put him down, rip off my pants and try to salvage them with some Shout stain remover.  Less than a minute later, I return to the living room and find C halfway up the back of the couch pulling at the vertical window blinds.

 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

 

C: laughs

 

I pull him off.  He immediately climbs back up.  I’m still not wearing pants.

 

Bring him into the bedroom so that I can get some pants.  He starts climbing on the elliptical.

 

“No C, we don’t play on the elliptical.  You can get hurt.  Mama doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

 

C: smiles, and goes right back to the elliptical.

You can basically repeat this entire scenario for the rest of the day.  I was completely exhausted and at the end of my rope, so to speak, by the time C went to bed.  I never knew that parenting a toddler was so mentally and physically demanding!

Oh, and to top it all off, we’ve been having major issues with the credit card company – all because we changed our address.  More to come on that tomorrow…

Contentment

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I usually take the path less traveled, and my journey to motherhood was no different.  If you’re not familiar with my story, I’ll give you the abridged version.  In July 2010, I was told I had PCOS (polycystic ovaries) and it would be difficult for me to conceive children.  In August, I started graduate school and a graduate assistantship only to find out a week later that – surprise! – I was pregnant.  I ended up with hyperemesis and was so ill that I could hardly leave our apartment.  In early October, I was forced to withdraw from graduate school, thereby losing my job as well.  I spent the majority of April 2011 experiencing false labor, and then after 2.5 hours of pushing I ended up with an emergency c-section on April 29.  A long, slow spiral into postpartum depression ensued, but wasn’t diagnosed until December 2011.

Most people associate pregnancy and childbirth with joy.  For me, it came with sacrifice, life-changes and emotional devastation.  I had a very difficult time adjusting to stay-at-home-motherhood.  The isolation was awful at times, and only fed my PPD.

So why is this post titled, “Contentment?”  Well, folks, I’ve finally reached it.  Just in this past week after getting settled in our new city, I’ve realized that my heart is content.

It has taken me 14 months since C’s birth, but I have finally embraced my role as a stay-at-home mom to an adventurous, loving boy.  I’m enjoying every day that I get to be with him.  I’m soaking up all of his hugs, kisses and laughter.  I delight in the moments that I get to hold my sweet son.  He fills me with joy and love – emotions that I can truly feel now.

I’ve reached the point of knowing that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I have to admit that part of me feels guilty that it has taken this long.  Fourteen months is a long time.  But mostly, I’m just so happy to be in this place.  I feel like a warrior.  I’ve battled postpartum depression with all of the fight that I had in me, and I’ve won.  Contentment is my proof.

There are still challenges ahead, but I’m learning so much about coping with stress and anxiety.  Healing continues to be an active learning experience.  I’m so grateful for the people in my life who have stood with me; and for the fellow mamas with postpartum mood disorders who have taught me so much about support, love, strength and healing.

The journey continues, friends.  Let’s walk with our heads held high.

xo


When Did I Become So Domestic?

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Hubster gave me a Swiffer Wet Jet for my birthday.  Why, you ask?  I asked for it.

No, I literally asked for a Swiffer Wet Jet.  I like clean floors.

I also received a cute little stainless steel trash can, a fantastic OXO salad spinner and an Everlast tower punching bag.  Yeah, so that last one isn’t very domestic but I do love to box.

Ya’ll, when did I become so domestic that I’m ecstatic about a Swiffer Wet Jet, a garbage can and a salad spinner for my birthday?!  I just didn’t see this coming.

:)

Am I Stay-At-Home Mom Material?

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Courtesy of babble.com

We’ve all seen supermom.  She effortlessly drives around town in her minivan, escorting her children to all of their extracurricular activities.  Dressed in school colors, she claps wildly at her kids’ sporting events.  She bakes elaborate snacks and her house is always spotless.  She has time to do her hair every morning and never wears yoga pants unless she’s working out.

I’m most definitely not supermom.  I have no idea how supermom operates, but I’d welcome her into my home to provide me with a tutorial on life.  Lately, I’ve been starting to wonder if I really have what it takes to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).

While I thrive off of interactions with people, I’ve always been an introvert who needs some time alone to recharge.  I cannot be with anyone 24/7…even my own child.

In the past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that even my flesh and blood is not immune to my need to be alone.  I’ve had to spend a lot of solo time with C in the past few weeks while Hubster worked some long hours and attended two conferences.  A heaping dose of mom guilt comes along with realizing that you’re not capable of sanely taking care of your child every second.  I’m going to compare being a SAHM to having a job, though I do see it as both an occupation and a privilege.

When I worked outside of the home, I had lunch breaks.  If I got really sick, I took a sick day.  When I had to use the bathroom, I did so without my boss crying because I left my desk.  I went home at the end of the day to do whatever I chose to do.  Each night, I slept without being interrupted by my boss.

I miss those moments of alone time!  That time to just take care of yourself and just “be.”  I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a SAHM long-term.  I know that I will continue until we move next summer.  Perhaps by then I will figure out how to be a SAHM and not lose my identity (and sanity!) in the process.  I’ve been told by other SAHMs that the first year was very difficult.  I’m learning that in order to be a good mother and wife, I need to get away.  Hubster has agreed to let me get out once or twice a week for a few hours of “me time,” and I am so glad.

How do you handle being a SAHM?

My Vacation!

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I suppose that when you’re a stay-at-home mom and your child is staying with his grandparents for the week, you can consider it a vacation right?!

Well, I guess I’m on vacation!  After visiting my parents last weekend, we decided to leave C with them for the week since I was planning on coming back next weekend.  They get time to bond with C and I get some time to myself.  It’s a win-win, really.

Other parents seem to react to this in one of two ways.  Either they tip their head a little, narrow their eyes and say, “Wow, I could never leave my child for a whole week.”  Or they say, “Awesome!  Are you enjoying your freedom?  Enjoy it while you can, girl!”

The first reaction makes me feel like the worst mother in the world and is, quite frankly, a bit judgmental.  Of course I miss my son!  But on the other hand, I had a horrible pregnancy, an awful delivery experience ending in an emergency c-section, then two months of C’s colic followed by the high needs personality that has emerged in him.  I love my son dearly, but sometimes I get really burned out.  I have a feeling that the people who react this way don’t have a high needs baby and/or have a job outside of the home where they get the adult interaction that SAHMs crave so badly.

The majority of people with the second reaction have been fellow SAHMs who totally understand the need for alone time.  It was awesome to excitedly share with them some of the things I’ve been up to while C is with his grandparents.

On Monday night, Hubster and I finally got to see “The Lion King 3D” and it was AMAZING!  It was my favorite movie as a kid, and now I also was able to catch the humor that Disney throws in for adults.  We had a great time, and followed it up with wine and an appetizer at Olive Garden.  So fun.

Yesterday afternoon, I took at 3.5 hour nap.  It was glorious.

Today, I went to the salon for a haircut and then went shopping.  Leisurely.  Alone.

I miss C’s little snuggles and open-mouthed kisses that fill your face with slobber.  I miss those laughs that brighten up my day.  But I am very much enjoying this time to be on my own schedule, and I don’t think I should feel guilty about that. :)

And Now, It’s Time For Brownies

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It’s been quite a day.  Quite.  A.  Day.

In addition to his cold, C was having a bad teething day today.  I don’t understand why I’m so tired, because we didn’t even leave home today.  I think it’s emotional exhaustion and frustration.  When C wasn’t whining, he was screaming.  The only time that he was quiet was when I went against one of my fundamental parenting philosophies – we cuddled up in the bed and watched television.  Don’t judge me!  A mother needs a little silence!  It’s not like I can just leave the room to get some peace when we live in a one-bedroom apartment.  Maybe it’s okay to do that if the alternative is losing your mind?  *sigh*

So now that C is in bed for the night, I have some brownies in the oven.  This will relieve my stress in two ways:

1. Baking relaxes me.
2. Chocolate!  Need I say more? ;)

Our First Day of MOPS!

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I’m pretty impressed with myself.  Why, you ask?  Well, let me tell you!

C and I were both clean, dressed, and out the door by 8:40 this morning so that we could attend our first MOPS meeting!  MOPS is short for Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers (birth to kindergarten).  C hung out in the NURSERY for the first time ever.  I was a little nervous about it, because we’ve never left him with anyone except family.  But, when I got to the room and there were 3 or 4 other babies screaming their little lungs out, I knew that he’d be just fine.  ;)

As for me, I had a great time and met some fun ladies.  We have small groups that we do most things with, so it will be awesome to get to know some other moms.  Next time, my group is bringing breakfast!

Yay!

Coming to Terms With Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

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These past four months have been quite an adjustment for me, one that I think I’m still going through.  I never thought that I would be a stay-at-home mom.  I’ve always been a very goal- and career-oriented person (not that people who want to be SAHMs aren’t!  I just always thought I’d be a working mom).  I ended up being a SAHM out of necessity.  Since I wasn’t already in a position of full-time work before I got pregnant with C, I discovered that in the area we live I would need to start in an entry-level position anywhere I applied.  Those positions would barely pay enough to offset the cost of daycare.  Between missing out on so much time with my son and the cost of daycare, Hubster and I decided that the small amount of take-home pay that I would receive wasn’t worth the hassle.

Now that I actually am a SAHM, I can’t imagine working full time and missing out on spending every day with C.  He changes so fast and is becoming so much fun!  There are many, many challenges though.  Being a SAHM is the most difficult job I have had (or ever will have!).  I’ve had a hard time transitioning into my new role.

When people have asked me what I’ve been up to or what I do, I’ve found myself stumbling for an answer.  Being a very goal- and career-oriented person, I’m used to setting and meeting professional goals and tasks.  I don’t do that anymore.  Even though I’m constantly busy, my task lists these days center around household tasks.  My daily life is more of a blur of laundry, diapers and dishes than anything else.  Those goals can never be met because by the time you’re done with laundry or dishes, there’s another pile waiting for you.  I feel like I haven’t been accomplishing anything because I’m not going to work.

That’s where my attitude and outlook needs to change.  Even if I feel like I’m not accomplishing something, I’m actually making a huge, challenging commitment to my family.  Raising a child is now my profession.  Raising a respectful, intelligent, happy child is now my goal.

I’m still trying to figure out what to say when I’m asked that question, “What have you been up to lately?”  I could bring up my part-time work in social media marketing that I do from home.  Or I could say that I’ve been busy raising a human being, because I’m discovering that’s a pretty darn noble profession. ;)

Did you have a difficult time adjusting to being a SAHM or WAHM?  What’s your answer to the, “What do you do?” question?

Saving Your Sanity

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I read a blog today over at the fabulous marriagemotherhoodandmadness about sanity-saving activities.  We definitely have some in common (Keeping Up With the Kardashians!).  Here is my list of things that keep me sane throughout the day/week (and here is marriagemotherhoodandmadness‘ list!)

1. Exercising.  If I have time to go to the gym, that’s the ultimate form of stress relief for me.  I take an hour to myself to just watch tv or listen to music while I work out.  I always leave feeling refreshed.

2. Watching trashy tv.  My favorite is “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”  I love them.  I often wonder if they do certain things just because the cameras are there, but I love them nonetheless.  My two favs are Khloe, who in my opinion doesn’t change at all for the cameras, and Bruce, who seems like such a genuine family man.  Their lives are just so…easy…that I love to watch.

3. Social media.  Chatting with friends, reading other mom blogs or writing on my own blog helps me to feel connected.  Being a SAHM is rather isolating and it’s nice to stay connected even if it is through the internet.

Those are my top three!  I’m pretty sure that without them, I might go crazy. ;)  Thanks for inspiring me, Mia!