We’ve been trying to get C the help that he needs with an OT. He currently sees a speech therapist through our county’s Birth to Three program. It’s been over a month since we started talking about bringing in OT and nothing has happened. Things are getting so difficult and I just can’t wait anymore.
Attachment and Separation
C loves to play in the nursery at church. He talks about it all week long and even gasps with excitement when we pull into the church parking lot. But the past two weeks, he has cried and clung to us when we drop him off.
He also refuses to go to sleep unless I’m the one putting him to bed. He cries…and cries…and cries unless it’s mommy who is lying next to him. I guess I get it. Mommy = comfort. It’s just difficult when there are things that I need to get done and Daddy is perfectly capable of handling the bedtime routine. And Mommy would really like to shower or use the toilet without an audience.
Whenever Baby Jo needs to take a nap, C sneaks into our room and I need to drag him out so that I can close the door and gate. He loudly flings the bedroom door open, pulls at the gate, cries and yells. Obviously, this results in Baby Jo crying which gets him even more upset. He doesn’t want to be separated from her but the poor girl needs her naps!
This is a tough one. I don’t know if this is defiance or just that his sensory system is overloaded during these activities. I often need to chase him around, sometimes for hours, to change a poopy diaper, get dressed or do a tube feeding. It is exhausting. Can Mommy have a little cooperation, please? Woof.
The meltdowns are just the worst. I’ve been unable to identify his triggers on my own, and I’m not sure how to prevent these from happening. They seem to be happening every single day now, and sometimes more than once each day. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He throws toys at us, cries, screams, throws himself on the floor (our concrete floor, I might add), writhes on the floor and is completely out of control. On Sunday, it took about two hours of rough housing with Hubster for him to calm down. I don’t know how I would have handled that one on my own, and the fact is that it’s becoming nearly impossible for me to handle these on my own during the week.
I’m exploring the option of finding an OT who will work with me outside of the Birth to Three program. It seems like the ones I talked to previously wouldn’t do that unless I waived our “rights” to participate in that program; however, I want to keep working with his speech therapist from that program. I just really need help from an OT. Why is it so difficult to ask?!
Bottom line: I’m not a trained professional. I don’t know how to identify his triggers, prevent a meltdown, or help him through a meltdown. I need help and I need it yesterday. No, these are not just two-year-old tantrums. Dear God, I wish I could just deal with a regular ol’ tantrum. Parenting a child with SPD is…exhausting.
I feel guilty for even saying that. How could I feel like I can’t handle my child, my own flesh and blood? I know that he doesn’t mean to hurt us; he just doesn’t know what to do with what he’s feeling. Even though I know that he’s my sweet, loving, darling little boy who is experiencing things I can’t begin to understand, it is so difficult not to get frustrated in the moment. I try so hard, but I can’t help feeling like I’m failing sometimes.