Tag Archives: cesarean

I’m Relieved About My Repeat C-Section

As I was sitting in C’s room waiting for him to fall asleep, it occurred to me that I am not at all nervous about having this baby. Flashback to two years ago – I was almost panicky thinking about my upcoming birth. I’m slightly shocked that I’m not concerned about this one. My birth with C was quite traumatic and resulted in an emergency c-section. I expected to be a bundle of nerves for any future birth experience.

Quite the opposite, actually. My only concern is that I get to the hospital in time if Baby Deuce is early. I don’t want to end up in a situation where I feel the urge to push, knowing I can’t because my pelvis was too small for C to fit through. Even that lone concern rarely occupies my thoughts.

I’m so relieved that I’m having a repeat c-section. I’ve been asked numerous times why I’ve chosen this method instead of trying for a VBAC. While I could have opted for a VBAC, I am very glad that I didn’t. If I had, I know I would be extremely nervous at this point about having a repeat of my last experience. Chances are very good that it would not have been successful. My c-section is something that I can take comfort in. I know what is going to happen. I’m more in control of my situation than I was the first time, and I take great comfort in that.

Did you opt for a repeat c-section?

An Emergency Cesarean and the Scars That Remain

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After C was born, it didn’t cross my mind right away that I had experienced a traumatic delivery. I think I was in shock from it all, and just relieved that it was over. While I generally don’t think about his birth and the events that led to my emergency cesarean, there are certain triggers that bring it up for me.

Whenever someone I know has a baby, particularly via vaginal delivery, I’m hit with feelings of envy and jealousy. This is not to say that I am not happy for them. I would never wish my experience on anyone; I simply would have liked to experience a healthy vaginal delivery myself. Or even have the option of a future VBAC.

I still have feelings of inadequacy over my emergency cesarean.

After experiencing labor for three days, I was finally admitted to the hospital and given pitocin. I slowly progressed over 13 hours and then pushed for 2.5 hours. The on-call OBGYN came in to evaluate and said that I was at about 9.5cm and not completely dilated. He considered it a failure to progress. C was stuck. He ordered an emergency cesarean.

Then they capped off my epidural to prepare to move me to the operating room.

The epidural wore off well before I was moved to the OR. I was literally blinded by the pain. Nurses came and went, someone poked me with a needle, someone shaved whatever I hadn’t had the ability to see at 40+ weeks pregnant, consent forms were shoved at me and somehow, between the screams and inability to see, I signed them. I yelled out in pain, over and over again. Nurses reassured me that we were moving to the OR. Hang in there. Don’t push. Ok, maybe you can push if you need to. You’re okay. More screaming. So much pain. Do I push or not? They brought Hubster two shirt scrubs, no pants. He asked for pants.

Finally, I was wheeled to the OR. They hooked me up to another epidural. Only one side of my body went numb. Oh my dear Lord, I’m going to feel everything on the other side. They strapped me down. They tipped me on the table to help get the medicine to the other side. I thought I was going to fall off the table. They put the curtain up.

Finally, I was numb.

So cold, shivering. Shaking. Could barely keep my eyes open or focus on anything anymore, my vision blurred from exhaustion and pain. Hubster appeared next to me. I could not stop shaking.

Beeping monitors, machines, voices of busy nurses and doctors. So many nurses and doctors. I was completely exposed on the table, having my insides cut open. You’re going to feel some pressure. They pulled and prodded at my insides to get C out.

Ouch, so much pressure. The vaginal canal is definitely one place that the epidural did not reach.

C cried. Congratulations! You have a baby boy!

He aspirated meconium in the womb. A flurry of activity. They show him to me briefly, but I can’t focus my eyes on him. All that, and all I could make out with my blurry vision was the outline of my child. I noticed his cone-shaped head from being stuck in the birth canal.

They whisked him off to the NICU. Hubster went with him.

It’s so cold. I feel pressure. They’re cleaning out my womb. Stitching up my broken body. I’m being wheeled to recovery.

My medicine is wearing off again.

I need pain medication. Where is some pain medication? I feel everything. It’s okay, we’re ordering some morphine for you. The nurse is on the phone trying to get me morphine. They’re not bringing it. I feel everything. How is it so difficult to get morphine in a hospital next to the L&D OR?!

It hurts. Oh God, it hurts.

An excruciating hour later, I get my morphine. Hubster wheels C into the room and they place him on my chest. I finally get to see my boy. I wish I could hold him. I’m so sad that I can’t hold my child, but I have to lie there.

The rest of our hospital stay is kind of a blur. It was less eventful, less traumatic. Looking back on my experience, I don’t have complaints about the care I received. The nurses were fantastic; the doctor was an excellent surgeon. Despite the trauma, postpartum depression and anxiety, my body healed well.

They should have handled my medication better.

After my surgery, the doctor that performed the cesarean told me that it was absolutely necessary. He discovered that my pelvis was too small for my child to fit through. Even if I had dilated that last half centimeter. Even if I had pushed for another hour. It never would have happened.

I will never be able to birth a child without medical intervention. The feelings of inadequacy nag me. I think that is where the jealousy and envy stems from whenever a friend or family member births a child. I think there is this deep-rooted culture that being able to have a vaginal birth, particularly without drugs, makes you some kind of super mother, able to perform the task that your body was designed to do.

I don’t know why that culture has influenced me to make me feel inadequate. It’s a constant struggle to believe what I know to be true. That is, if it weren’t for modern medicine, my son and I would not be here. That’s a powerful thought. My physical scar is a battle scar, but it is also a testament to the love I have for my child. I do not love him any less, nor am I any less of a mother, because he entered this world via cesarean. I am a mother. I love my child. I would do anything for him, and did. I, too, am a warrior mom.

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I’m linking up today with Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday via Things I Can’t Say and Be Enough Me via Just Be Enough.

My Son Killed My Mid-Section

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I was excited to notice how loose the jeans are that I’ve been wearing since having C. So, I thought I’d test my luck and try on all of my old jeans. Um…yeah, that was a bad idea.

My pre-C jeans fit perfectly everywhere except the waist. C killed my mid-section! Ugh. It’s terrible. I need to lose probably another 2-3 inches on my waist before I can fit into those old jeans. Somehow I’ve managed to shrink my thighs and butt back to their pre-C level, but that ol’ waist is hanging tough. C stretched it to the max and I hope it’ll someday shrink back up.

I’ve been doing a TON of cardio – elliptical, biking, running. What worked for you? I’m particularly interested in hearing from any fellow c-section mamas out there. Thank you!

Twinges

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Ever watch those baby shows that follow the couple into the delivery room? I used to be obsessed with them. Now, I can’t watch the c-section ones because I know that it happened to me – and it will happen for my subsequent deliveries. The thought of my flesh, muscles and uterus being sliced open and stretched back makes me very squeamish.

I’ve healed quite well after my emergency cesarean in late April, but last night I had some uncomfortable twinges around my incision. I’ve been told that it’s normal to experience some twinges now and then as nerve endings heal. But OUCH. That was uncomfortable and strange. :-p

Birth Plans

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All of the pregnancy books tell you to come up with a birth plan so that you know exactly what you want to do when the time comes.

I’ll admit, the thought of a birth plan was a little daunting to me. This was my first pregnancy and I had no idea what to expect from a labor and delivery experience. I was afraid to plan it all out because that meant I had to really think about it ahead of time. My doctor asked me about it during one of my late third trimester appointments. When I said I didn’t really have one, but I knew I wanted an epidural, she just chuckled and said it was probably a good thing. The people who come in with a three-page birth plan, for example, are often disappointed because things never seem to go exactly as planned.

I went in knowing that I wanted an epidural and a vaginal delivery. That was the extent of my birth plan, and I thought of it as very relaxed and “go-with-the-flow.” Hubster can attest to my laid-back approach – I even allowed him to watch the NFL draft on ESPN while I was in labor!

As it turns out, I was not quite as “go-with-the-flow” about everything as I thought.

After 16 hours of laboring in the hospital (preceded by 3 days of early labor at home) and 1.5 hours of pushing, the on-call OBGYN broke the news that I would require a cesarean delivery. I immediately burst into tears. I had only wanted two things out of my birth experience, and a c-section was NOT one of them. I thought about the surgery, the longer recovery time, the fact that I would need c-sections with any future deliveries. I felt like I had failed by not being able to deliver my son vaginally. I had pushed for 1.5 hours, to no avail. Why couldn’t I do it? It was devastating.

Nearly three weeks later, I have the gift of hindsight. In retrospect, my c-section was not a terrible thing. Our little C is here, and he is perfect. My incision is healing very well. Even though I went through surgery, I have TONS more energy than I had at the end of my pregnancy. I was worried about losing weight because I would be less active, but I’ve lost all but 6 pounds of my baby weight already. Yes, I have a long way to go before my incision and abdominal muscles totally heal. Yes, I will need to have a cesarean with my future kids; but on the bright side, I will never need to experience a painful labor again.

While I have been reflecting on this topic myself, I also feel there are additional reasons to blog about it. I have a few friends and family members who are expecting and will be thinking about their birth plans soon. I’ve also seen birth plans mentioned by several people I follow on Twitter. Even though I was pretty laid back about my birth plan, I still was devastated when things didn’t go as I had hoped. I really want to encourage women to go in with a plan of what they would prefer to happen, but to also be open to the very realistic possibility that events could happen that will change that plan. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have failed their baby or themselves because things didn’t go as planned.

If you don’t want drugs, but find you need them – you are NOT a failure. Labor and delivery HURTS. It’s okay to need medication to be more comfortable.

If you need pitocin to move things along – you are NOT a failure.

If your doctor needs to use forceps or a vacuum to assist in your delivery – you are NOT a failure. Your doctor does this all the time and feels that it’s best for your baby to get out faster with assistance.

If you need to have a cesarean – you are NOT a failure.

Events occur during pregnancy, labor and delivery that you may or may not anticipate, but that’s okay. You are giving LIFE, and that is an amazing thing. How your baby arrives here does not matter a day, a week, or a year later. You’ve carried, nourished and given life to a little person. That’s all that is important in the end.

Breastfeeding is the Best Diet Ever!

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This afternoon I had my two-week doctor appointment to check on my cesarean incision. I was worried about stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office, because I inevitably weigh more there than I do at home. Admittedly, I kept my shoes on so that if the result wasn’t favorable I could blame it on that. However(!), I lost 22 pounds!!!! I am SO excited. The most activity I have been able to do in the past 13 days since C’s delivery is going on a couple of slow walks and running a few brief errands around town. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that breastfeeding is simply the best diet ever.

I am hungry ALL. THE. TIME. Way hungrier than I was at any point in my pregnancy. (Okay, except for the few times that I was ravenous.) Yet, I’m dropping weight so quickly. I love it!

Here’s to hoping that the weight loss will continue to come easily, especially as I heal and am able to become more active.

Post-Cesarean Weight Loss

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One of the things that devastated me the most about needing a c-section was the length of recovery. I was so looking forward to starting to work out sooner and losing the baby weight, plus some weight that I had been working off before I found out I was pregnant. I’m still eagerly anticipating getting back into my Tae-Bo, pilates and Jillian Michaels’ 30-Day Shred workouts.

Anyway…despite the advice I received from nurses not to step on the scale for at least three weeks due to water retention, I stepped on the scale. Last week, I had dropped 15 pounds post-partum. I was super pumped about that, considering I hadn’t been able to move around much! Today, after seeing some bony-ness returning to my feet, I decided to jump on the scale again. And now I’m down 20 pounds! Considering I had gained 30 during my pregnancy, I am super excited with my progress. My two-week OB checkup is tomorrow and I’m going to try not to let myself get upset at their scale. I always weigh more there, plus I have an afternoon appointment when my water retention is worse.

My goal is to have all of the baby weight gone by my six-week checkup. I’m looking forward to going for family walks to help me in this endeavor.

How did you lose weight after a c-section?

A Delivery Story

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Our son has arrived! Labor and delivery definitely didn’t turn out as I had expected or hoped for. The recovery process is going to be way longer than I wanted, but our beautiful baby boy is here and he’s perfect in every way. I can’t believe how cute he is. And it’s crazy to think that we MADE him.

I went into early labor on Tuesday. Wednesday we went to the hospital because I had bleeding and cramping…turns out the bleeding was okay and the cramps were actually contractions, but I wasn’t dilating quickly enough for them to admit me. Thursday afternoon, my contractions became 3-5 minutes apart, so we trekked back to the hospital and checked in. I was 3cm dilated at that point (on Wednesday I had been 2.5cm when I was sent home). When I got to 4cm, I ordered the epidural. I was terrified of getting it (the thought of a needle getting stuck in your spine is a little scary!), but it really was not nearly as bad as I anticipated. I would definitely recommend it to any woman!

They gave me pitocin to speed along the dilation and I couldn’t even feel my contractions. The epi was bliss and I was more comfortable than I’d been in weeks…but that was short-lived…

By 4am, I had completely dilated and began to push. I pushed for 1.5 hours when the doctor came in to see how I was progressing. C still hadn’t pushed past my cervix, so the doctor ordered a c-section. I was devastated and started crying. I had really hoped to avoid a c-section because of the recovery time. I was also so exhausted at that point that I was just super emotional. They capped the epi to prepare me for the transfer to the OR, where I was to receive a stronger medication to completely numb me for surgery. Then…the epi wore off.

O.M.G., the pain of C being stuck against my tailbone combined with contractions and being told not to push…I really thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I have never experienced so much pain in my life. It seemed to take forever to get to the OR. People were coming in and out and drawing blood, prepping me for surgery, and somehow I signed a consent form during that time even though I don’t even remember being able to open my eyes. Hubster was awesome and I couldn’t have done it without him holding my hand – I thought I would die! I finally got taken to the OR, where they put some stronger stuff in my epidural and I got some relief. Before I knew it, there was a significant amount of pulling and tugging (along with searing vaginal pain because the epi doesn’t reach there and they had to pull out C’s head). Hubster was able to stand up to look over the draping and saw them pull C out. He cut the cord. They brought C over to me so I could see him before taking him to the nursery, but my eyes couldn’t focus from being so tired and having so much pain so I barely even saw my baby! Hubster left with him when they went to the nursery. C had expelled meconium in the womb and had some in his lungs, so they had to monitor him and suck it out.

It took the doctor about 20 minutes to finish the surgery. When he was done, he told me that there was no way C would have come out vaginally. Not only was he facing up, but he would not have fit through my pelvis. It made me feel better emotionally that even if I had tried more pushing, I wouldn’t have been able to get him out. At the same time, though….I’m guessing that means I’ll have to have a c-section with every future baby because C’s only 8lbs 4oz and my pelvis was too small for him.

I got wheeled to recovery and it took them FOREVER to get me some pain killers. I was there for an hour and the whole time I was thinking how much I just wanted to see my baby. Finally, Hubster was able to come in and brought C with him. He laid him on my chest so I could at least look at him.

I think the hardest part about having a c-section is not being able to do everything you want for your baby. For example, I couldn’t hold him for a while. I wasn’t able to leave the bed until the following morning (24 hours after surgery), so the first time I changed his diaper was that afternoon. I can’t stand up with him, so someone always has to bring him to me/take him from me when I’m changing positions. It’s sad!

We’re so glad that he’s finally here! He’s awesome and we adore him. :)