Hubster and I are noticing how big our little baby is getting. How do they grow so much, so quickly in their first year?! He used to be only eight pounds, 22.75 inches long, and completely dependent on us. He was so easy to hold and cuddle, and so very tiny.
Now he’s our little monkey, climbing all over us and lunging in every direction. He yells, screams, calls our names and does hilarious things that even he laughs about. I just started putting my little boy in 12-month size sleepers and size 3 diapers. Did you know that they start putting rubber on the feet of 12-month sleepers for when kids start to walk? *sniffle*
I’ve always wanted to have kids close in age and now that we see our baby getting to be a much larger baby, I’m starting to get the itch. I’m fighting an inner battle with my newfound baby fever, because logically I know that it’s not the right time. This summer, we’ll be moving to a different state (which one is yet to be determined) and Hubster will be starting a different job. I don’t want to be pregnant when we’re in the middle of a big move. There’s a lot of stress that goes into it, not to mention the change in insurance – and the possible gap between when we have coverage. Most importantly, I’m in the midst of my battle with postpartum depression. I’m still working with my OBGYN to find the proper dosage of medication to help me. After that, she said that I should stay on it for a year before trying to wean off of it. I know that I shouldn’t get pregnant again before dealing with this first. But, then there’s the other part of me.
My biological clock has been screaming at me lately. I know that I’m young (24), but I have extenuating circumstances. I have PCOS, which can make it very difficult to get pregnant. Until we try again, it’s impossible to know if C was a medical marvel or if I don’t have a problem conceiving despite my PCOS. It might take a long time for us to have another child. I want more than one. In fact, I want more than two children. I feel like my ovaries are screaming at me to get going on all this babymaking! I really want C to have a sibling close in age.
Thus, I continue to grapple with logic versus the heart’s desire and probably will do so for the next year. Have you had difficulty deciding which time was right for you to add to your family?
Over the past week, someone said to me that they’d love to be able to “just” stay at home with their kids. (They emphasized the “just.” This person did not have children.) Inwardly, I was outraged that this person thought that life at home with children was so easy. Outwardly, all I could do was smile politely at their ignorance.
Whether you’ve stayed at home with your child during your maternity leave, you’re a work-at-home-mom, or you’re a full-time stay-at-home-mom (hereby referred to as SAHM), you know that the last word you’d use to describe your job is “easy.” In fact, this is easily the most difficult job I have ever had.
Since I’m not going to be a rude, exhausted mother of a fussy newborn and go off on an ignorant bystander, I will provide an outline of my inner tirade that is set off with those types of comments:
There are no breaks in mothering. No 15-minute morning break. No lunch break. No taking a vacation day. Sick? Too bad!
Have a problem with a coworker? At least you can walk away from the problem. Try walking away from your fussy offspring. Not an option.
Hate getting up early for work? Try waking up every couple of hours for night feedings.
Try spending an entire day without seeing an adult. You will find yourself starved for adult conversation, in any form; yet, almost worthless in conversation due to exhaustion. (Next time you see a tired, disheveled looking woman in the store looking at you eagerly, she’s probably a new mother.)
Work 9-5, 2-10, or even 6-6? Hey, at least you can bug off after you get your hours in. My job is 24/7 baby.
Can’t function in the morning without your coffee? Most days, I don’t even have time to make any.
Some days, I would eagerly trade my SAHM duties for some good ol’ workplace stress (not that I don’t love my baby, don’t get me wrong).
And the other thing that really makes me mad on a tough day is the person who complains about how little sleep they’re getting. Dude, I get that you’re busy with work/school/whatever, but don’t complain to me about being tired. You have the option to sleep in on a Saturday or take an afternoon nap if you can work it out with your schedule. I’m at a child’s beck and call 24 hours each day, and I can guarantee that I’m getting less sleep than you and you’re not hearing me complain to you about it.
Truth: Being a SAHM or WAHM is not easy. And don’t tell me it is because if I’m having an exceptionally bad day, I might drop-kick you.