Tag Archives: PCOS

Eating Right for PCOS

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I’ve been doing a lot of Google searching about PCOS and the type of diet that is best for people with it.  By diet, I don’t necessarily mean a temporary way to eat to lose weight; I’m talking about diet as the lifestyle necessary for optimum health with this condition.  My goal is not only weight loss (though I am motivated by my doctor saying it’s “nearly impossible” for women with PCOS to lose weight), but optimum health because I want to give myself every advantage against the fertility difficulties that can result from this condition.  I want more babies, yo! ;)

The result of my searching has been low carb, low carb, low carb (20-60g/day)!  So I’m going low carb, folks.  This isn’t going to be easy.  I love chocolate like whoa.  I like bread, rice and pasta.  On the flip side, I love fruits and vegetables.

Yesterday was my first day of intentional low carb eating.  It was rough.  I’ve read that the first week (or sometimes more) is filled with low energy and cravings as your body adjusts from metabolizing carbs to metabolizing fats.  The good news is that once you pass that phase, you reportedly have tons more energy and feel better than when you had lots of carbs in your diet.

I just need to get myself through this adjustment period!  I’m hopeful that this lifestyle change will have positive effects on PCOS, PPD, increase my good cholesterol, and more.  It should also give me an edge on avoiding the diabetes that my grandmother had.  Wish me luck! ;)

A Struggle With Body Image

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I’m kind of nervous to put this “out there,” because I’ve always kept my struggles with body image and weight very quiet.  But I realize that I’m not the only woman with this inner battle, so I’ve decided to just own it.

I’ve never been one of those women who can eat anything she wants and not worry about her weight.  I’ve never worn a bikini – not that I never could have, but because I was too self-conscious.  I even hate shorts.

Ever since elementary school, I’ve always been the athletic, muscular girl.  I could kick some serious butt in phy ed class, and that also meant that I wasn’t as thin as many other girls.  It’s just my body type: strong, athletic, muscular.  I think part of me always struggled with the fact that most of my friends could pull off the bikini and the size 0 jeans.  It made me feel fat, even though that wasn’t the case during most of my life.

Fact: I love to cook and bake (to create!), especially when I’m stressed…which leads to eating more when I’m stressed…which, in turn, means gaining weight during stressful periods of my life.

In my second year of college, I had finally reached a point where I was feeling confident in my body image.  Then I experienced domestic violence and it threw me into an emotional tailspin.  I started putting on weight that was nearly impossible to work off.  And why was it impossible?  Well, a couple years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  PCOS not only makes it difficult to get pregnant (surprise to the doctors, I had C!) but it also makes it “nearly impossible” (in my doctor’s own words) to lose weight.  Oh joy.

When Hubster and I moved away for grad school, I finally felt comfortable with being somewhere that the person who harassed me would no longer know I lived.  I joined Weight Watchers, worked out like a crazy person, and lost 10 pounds within a month.  Then I found out I was pregnant with C.  So much for weight loss.

Honestly, pregnancy provided me with a healthy body image (in regard to my burgeoning belly, anyway) for the first time in my life.  After all, this bump was to be celebrated – I was growing life!

But then…postpartum.  To the women who are able to escape pregnancy with flat stomachs, no c-section scars, and without stretch marks –  I applaud your genetics.  I also envy you to no end.

I’m left with many battle scars – from being stretched to the limit by my 8-pound baby and having a surgical scar from an emergency c-section.  It’s been 10.5 months and I’m still desperately trying to view these as proud battle scars that resulted in a beautiful, perfect little boy.  I’ve dieted since coming home from the hospital.  I’ve worked out 4-7 days per week since my OBGYN gave me the clearance to exercise.  I’ve trained for a 5k, done boot camps, P90X and more.  Honestly, I’m probably in the best cardiac shape of my life.  To date, I’ve lost 30 pounds.

I still have 35 to go.  The spare tire around my waist that I’m left with is grating on my self-image.  I know I should celebrate that I’m almost halfway to my goal, especially since PCOS makes weight loss so incredibly difficult for me.  But I haven’t been able to be proud of my progress.  PPD has ravaged my self-image even further.  It makes me lie to myself with things like, “You’re not strong enough to ever reach your goals,” “You’ll never be good enough,” “You can never be everything that you want to be.”  Even though I struggled with my body image for years, these thoughts had never crossed my mind.  Rationally, I know it’s just my PPD talking; but it’s so difficult not to believe it.

I stumbled upon a website that seeks to empower women.  It’s called The Shape of a Mother and includes pictures (not suitable for work!) of real, un-air brushed, un-touched up women.  While I don’t feel empowered yet, I do feel like I’m not alone after perusing the c-section category.

Revelatory truth: Real women have flaws.

The most important thing for any woman with self-image issues is to realize that truth.  Real women aren’t like women in media.  Real women struggle.  Real women have scars.  Real women who have carried babies have loose skin.  Real women are not perfect.

Now that’s something I can raise my glass of water to!

 

I’m Coming Down With Baby Fever…

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Hubster and I are noticing how big our little baby is getting.  How do they grow so much, so quickly in their first year?!  He used to be only eight pounds, 22.75 inches long, and completely dependent on us.  He was so easy to hold and cuddle, and so very tiny.

Now he’s our little monkey, climbing all over us and lunging in every direction.  He yells, screams, calls our names and does hilarious things that even he laughs about.  I just started putting my little boy in 12-month size sleepers and size 3 diapers.  Did you know that they start putting rubber on the feet of 12-month sleepers for when kids start to walk?  *sniffle*

I’ve always wanted to have kids close in age and now that we see our baby getting to be a much larger baby, I’m starting to get the itch.  I’m fighting an inner battle with my newfound baby fever, because logically I know that it’s not the right time.  This summer, we’ll be moving to a different state (which one is yet to be determined) and Hubster will be starting a different job.  I don’t want to be pregnant when we’re in the middle of a big move.  There’s a lot of stress that goes into it, not to mention the change in insurance – and the possible gap between when we have coverage.  Most importantly, I’m in the midst of my battle with postpartum depression.  I’m still working with my OBGYN to find the proper dosage of medication to help me.  After that, she said that I should stay on it for a year before trying to wean off of it.  I know that I shouldn’t get pregnant again before dealing with this first.  But, then there’s the other part of me.

My biological clock has been screaming at me lately.  I know that I’m young (24), but I have extenuating circumstances.  I have PCOS, which can make it very difficult to get pregnant.  Until we try again, it’s impossible to know if C was a medical marvel or if I don’t have a problem conceiving despite my PCOS.  It might take a long time for us to have another child.  I want more than one.  In fact, I want more than two children.  I feel like my ovaries are screaming at me to get going on all this babymaking!  I really want C to have a sibling close in age.

Thus, I continue to grapple with logic versus the heart’s desire and probably will do so for the next year.  Have you had difficulty deciding which time was right for you to add to your family?

One Year Ago Today I Found Out I Was Pregnant

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It was one year ago today that I woke up at 6am and decided to take a pregnancy test.  I was about to join a boot camp fitness team with three other grad students.  I hadn’t been feeling quite right and my period was late (although with PCOS, the latter part was not abnormal), so I thought I would make sure that I wasn’t pregnant before I spent $75 on boot camp.

Our Family of Three

Taking the test was more of a formality for me.  I really didn’t expect to be pregnant.  A month before, I had been diagnosed with PCOS and was told that it would be difficult for me to conceive.

I remember getting impatient waiting for the results.  It was pretty early and I really wanted to go back to bed.  Then that second pink line started to appear.  Uh-oh.  It was very faint.  What does this mean?!  I frantically looked at the instructions, only to find what I already suspected.  ANY second line, faint or not, means you’re pregnant, honey.  OH.  MY.  DEAR.  LORD.

I bounded out of the bathroom yelling Hubster’s name.  He was still asleep, so my frantic yells for him were a bit startling.  ”WHAT?!”

“Look at this.  There’s two lines.  I just took the pregnancy test and there’s two lines.  What does that mean?!”

Hubster walked into the bathroom to look at the test.  ”Well, it says here that if there’s two lines then you’re pregnant.”  I met his words with a look of shock and horror.  Much to my dismay, Hubster walked back to bed and was about to go back to sleep.

Me: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Hubster: “Well, you’re pregnant.  I might as well get some sleep.”

Me: “WHAT??!?!”  Seeing that he really intended to go back to sleep even though I just discovered that I was PREGNANT, I got a bit upset.  ”We’re not going to talk about this?”

Hubster: “What’s there to talk about?  You’re pregnant.”

Me: “Ummm…YEAH??!”

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Even though Hubster was very nonchalant at first, we both had to make huge emotional adjustments over the next few months as we came to terms with how our lives were about to change in a way that we didn’t anticipate happening for several years.  We were both 23 and had just moved to a new state, where Hubster was starting a live-in graduate assistantship.  We had both just finished our first week of graduate school, where we were in the same program and classes.  I wasn’t thrilled about my graduate assistantship and was hesitant about starting graduate school, but I was super excited about us graduating with our Master’s degrees together.  It was such a fun thought that filled me with pride and excitement.  We were planning on starting a family after we both worked in our professional positions for a couple of years.  This was not at all in the plan.

I would venture to say that I had a much more difficult adjustment than Hubster did.  Between weeks 5-14, I had the most terrible morning sickness that ended up being diagnosed as hyperemesis.  I only vomited once, but I dry heaved so much that I spent the majority of my day hovering over the toilet or a bucket.  It was nearly impossible to eat or drink anything.  I was forced to drop a class that was heavily attendance-based.  Unable to pick up another class, I had to withdraw from school.  That also ended my graduate assistantship.  Within six weeks, I went from starting a new job and grad school to being constantly ill and not having any school or work.  That was really rough.  It wasn’t until week 14 of my pregnancy that the doctor found something to help me, Zofran.  I really wish I had found it sooner!

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Regardless of how difficult our journey has been this past year, I am now blessed with this beautiful, complex, wonderful child that fills me with joy (and despair at times!).  I’m a stay-at-home mom a few years earlier than I thought I would be.  But C is here now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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This journey started with two lines:

And now I get to look at this sweet little face every day: