Warning: This post is a continuation of yesterday’s post and includes content that may be triggering. My ex-fiance stalked and harassed me, and twice the justice system failed me by denying a restraining order simply because he didn’t lay hands on me.
“Be Gentle.” I say these two words to C countless times throughout the day. I don’t know why I don’t apply them to myself. I’ve only had three appointments with my therapist, but I feel like we’ve covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. At my last appointment, we discussed negative thoughts – how to control them, combat them and make them positive. I realized that I think pretty awful things. Things I could never (and would never) say to someone else.
We’ve all had friendships end. Some end abruptly with an argument, others simply fade. The ones that fade can be as difficult as the ones that end dramatically.
A couple friendships that I once held dear seem to have faded away. I don’t know how it happened, and I can’t recall when it started. I’ve tried to reach out, even when the idea of putting myself out there was terrifying. I didn’t know what to say or where to start. A text wasn’t returned. A Facebook post was ignored. A birthday gave me the opportunity to leave a voicemail.
If Hubster and I hadn’t met in college, where would we be now? It’s a question we were pondering yesterday as we marked five years since we officially started dating.
We decided that neither of us would have broken off our prior relationships, because we wouldn’t have met each other and realized how much we “clicked” with someone else. I would have been in a terribly mismatched marriage, that would likely have ended very badly. Hubster would have ended up in an equally loveless marriage.
Did you have one moment where it hit you like a ton of bricks – the realization that you’re going to be responsible for a whole other little person? For life?!
I feel like I’ve had multiple mini-moments like that, but yesterday it hit me a little bit harder than normal. Like WHOA. I don’t think that I’ll fully understand what that responsibility and life change will feel like or really mean until we’re actually holding our baby in our arms. At the same time, though, it’s so strange to think about how our life will be changing forever.
Size of baby: Butternut Squash (17 in., 3.1 lbs) (although, he was bigger than this 1.5 weeks ago…)
Newly craved food: Last night I wanted oreos and milk, but there haven’t been any weird cravings in a while.
Food aversions: Beef, fried foods