Today, I’m linking up with Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday.

If you’ve hung out here before, you know that I still struggle sometimes with the effects of domestic violence from six years ago.  My ex stalked and harassed me; and after two attempts at a restraining order, the justice system failed me too.

A lot has changed since then.  I’ve had a new phone number for many years.  I’ve had two different cars since that time.  I moved to a different state for two years.  I have a different last name.  Yet, sometimes I’ll see a face that resembles his and it’ll stop me in my tracks.  I don’t feel terror anymore when that happens, but I carefully scrutinize the person before moving forward.

Last weekend on my way to the bachelorette party, I had to drive through my ex’s hometown.  It had been two years since I’ve had to drive through that town, and I didn’t know if it would have any effect on me anymore.  In fact, I didn’t even think about it at all until I got there.

Then it hit me.  That feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.  Terror.  I hadn’t experienced it in a while, but in a terrible way, it was familiar.

My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter.  I glanced at every car on the road, certain that he would be in it.  My mind raced.  What would I do if I saw him?  Would he recognize me?

I wonder how many more years the terror will linger.  Will it ever subside?  Will I ever stop seeing him in the face of a stranger?